Looking on the White Side

I really do love my little corner of the universe.  My lovely house, Franklin Park, the North Hills, Pittsburgh, Allegheny County.  I have landed in a pot of jam. I honestly would not want to live anywhere else.

I even enjoy the change of seasons, within reason. In the past few years, I have become more adept at tolerating temperature changes, since they now take place within my very own body several times daily.  The key to dealing with this is dressing in layers.  It works for soldiers in battle, and it works for women in menopause (which is its own kind of battle).

Therefore, you will rarely hear me complain about the weather, including rain, wind or intense heat.  My long-time weather philosophy is "At least it isn't snowing." Unless, of course, it is snowing.  Then I complain.  In fact, I take complaining to a new level when it comes to snow.  I am a world-class champion snow complainer.  It is almost a new art form in my hands.  In my defense, I have suffered more than my share of snow-related misadventures and enjoy nothing less than driving in the stuff.

So it was with a heavy heart that I realized that there was a massive snowstorm forecast for the day after Christmas.  My only obligation outside the house that day was a chiropractor appointment which I promptly cancelled (along with 32 other people, my chiropractor told me the next day). 

It came down hard and fast and by the afternoon there was about a half a foot of snow outside.  I wanted to check for the mail which meant making my way down the driveway to the street.  I realized that that would be a lot easier to do if I at least shoveled a pathway to get there.  Then once I started I figured I might as well finish the job since my husband and I both had to leave the house in the morning.  When my husband looked out to see why it was taking me so long to get the mail, he joined me, and together we finished shoveling the driveway.

Now I was none too happy about any of this, because I like shoveling snow only slightly more than I like driving in it.  When I came back the next day from the chiropractor and a wildly successful après-Christmas shopping trip there was another inch on the driveway and so I shoveled it again.

Afterward, as I was warming up with some Zen tea, I got to thinking.  I'm generally a pretty optimistic person, and have even been accused of being too optimistic by some, who also seem pretty annoyed by my natural tendency to "look on the bright side."

Shoveling the driveway was probably the equivalent of 30 minutes of cardio on the elliptical machine at the Y in terms of a workout.  Working together on the task equipped with tools especially designed for the Arthritic Shoveler (e.g. our glorified electric shovel "snow blower") my husband and I can get the job done with minimal damage to limbs and joints.

So I set forth with new resolve to be positive about snow and all that comes with it.  Of course, I have had to shovel the driveway again since then, a total of three times in four days and it's still December.

But I'm not complaining - yet.

The Day Between Christmas

Twas the day between Christmas and all through the house,

Not a laptop was open and nor was a mouse.
The stockings were taken from the chimney and shared,
And the Tablets were worth all that we beared.

My Italian family traditionally  celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve with fish and pasta and presents and lots of laughter and love. This year we celebrated on December 23rd just because it worked out better logistically for most of us.

We had all the same ingredients for a happy holiday even though we held it a day early.  In another twist on tradition, I actually assisted in preparing the meal.  Yes, I made TWO different kinds of lasagna, which is one of just a handful of dishes in my limited culinary repertoire.  I just wanted to put that out there because no one seemed to believe it last night.  Of course my husband made everything else.

Now we plan to have Chinese food and a movie on Christmas Day which IS our tradition, but this has left us with a curious situation of having a day between our two holidays this year. 

In a bold move, we opened our stockings today instead of waiting until Christmas Morning.  But mostly today became Tablet Day in our household, a brand new holiday where my husband and I spend most of the day discovering and exploring our new Samsung Galaxy 2 (his) and I -Pad Mini (mine), the tablets we have worked so hard to choose over the past few months as Christmas presents.  Let me tell you it was SUCH a surprise when we opened the packages we had lovingly wrapped a day or so earlier. 

It has provided hours of fun so far.  I was determined to produce this blog using my new toy- er, I mean, I-Pad Mini and so I have, albeit a little late. 

Here it is with my sincerest wishes for a Happy Christmas to all of you who celebrate.  Now I think it's time to get back to that long  winter's nap that is so overdue.

You Say "Chanukah," I Say "Hanukkah"

“What a happy Hanukkah and Birthday Family Night,” I posted on my Facebook wall as I was contentedly basking in the afterglow of celebrating the holiday and my husband’s birthday with my son and his girlfriend.

I thought that this was an entirely innocuous post, not like the one I posted a few days later in horrified exasperation demanding that we all band together to finally do something about enacting some sensible gun control laws in this country.  I really didn’t expect any controversy. 

Nonetheless, one Friend took me to task on my use of “Hanukkah,” saying “Now, your husband says ‘Chanukah.’”

I pointed out that either is correct, to which she responded that she knew that but that my husband carries more weight, "figuratively."

Really, I thought?  Why is that?  Because he is a good speller?  You know, while I might not be able to type to save my life, I am also an excellent speller.  If you don’t believe me ask my two former classmates who used to correct my spelling papers in junior high. No, seriously, we had dinner with one of them a few weeks ago and we were reminiscing about that.

Oh, and not that it matters, but I would like to point out that my husband literally carries more weight than me too.  For heaven’s sake, he’s got 7 or 8 inches on me, I should hope he would weigh a few more pounds than I do.

Oh…wait a minute…maybe she thought he would know how to spell Hanukkah/Chanukah because he’s Jewish, and it is a Jewish holiday.  Well, transliterating Hebrew into English can be quite a challenge, one that can result in a number of debates over spelling.

The best explanation I could find is from the Lindenhurst Patch, which tells us that a quick Google search turns up 15 different spellings, and that Americans have come up with several variations to transliterate the Hebrew word to English, mostly depending on whether a person chooses to start with an “H” or “Ch” and the number of times “N” or “K” appears.  It goes on to say that many American Jews have grown up spelling it with the “Ch” form because it represents the phoneme that begins the word that does not exist in American English, while the Library of Congress and the Associated Press spell it “Hanukkah.”  (for more on this and other fun facts about the holiday, check out http://lindenhurst.patch.com/articles/is-it-chanukah-or-is-it-hanukkah).

As he is very much an American Jew with a knack for pronouncing that old-world guttural “ch” sound, my husband prefers “Chanukah.”  As for me, if “Hanukkah” is good enough for the Library of Congress, it’s good enough for me.  Besides it just seems the more natural spelling to represent the way I pronounce it, with that all-American “H” sound.

So here we have one of those most happy situations where we are both right, even though we disagree.  Of course, we absolutely agree that Hanukkah, or Chanukah (if you prefer) is a perfectly wonderful holiday with special meaning to us that we love celebrating together.

He says "Chanukah" and I say "Hanukkah" but we're keeping the whole thing on.   

You Can't Always Get You Want, or Need

Tab·let [tab-lit] noun….
6.  Also called tablet computer, tablet PC. a small, thin, portable computer having an LCD screen onto which data can be input with a stylus or the fingertips.
                                                                                                         -dictionary.com

So my husband and I decided that we wanted Tablets – with a capital “T”- for Christmas.  

I am not exactly a technological expert, but I felt cautiously optimistic that we might be able to make informed decisions and smart purchases with proper research.  After all we are bright people, and we knew what we wanted our Tablets to do once we owned them. 

We read everything we could find on the various Tablets, all written in that computer geek language that I don’t quite comprehend.  We spoke with friends who owned them and professionals who sold them.  We thought we knew what we wanted, so we headed off to the electronics retail giant where we typically buy our electronics, in mid-November to avoid the Christmas rush on these devices.  We’ll call the company “Top Purchase” for the purposes of this blog (the name has been changed to protect the innocent – that would be me).

We were assisted at Top Purchase that day by Donis and Dave, two exceptionally knowledgeable, helpful and pleasant young sales associates whose combined ages would probably still make them young enough to be my son.  We were ready to buy our devices when Dave started speaking in tongues of internet access issues.  Then Donis pointed out to me that my needs might be better served by an entirely different device than the one I was about to buy.  We left the store that day empty-handed.

Now after all of that, what I absolutely needed in a Tablet boiled down to two things.  I wanted an external keypad and internal access to the Internet – that is, a 3G device.  Conveniently, Top Purchase sent me an e-mail advertisement for an online sale for an I-Pad, 32 gb, 3G, which is exactly what I wanted. 

However, after receiving it, when I tried to add this Tablet to my Verizon plan, I couldn't because it turns out that they sent me an earlier version of the model of this device that had only WiFi access, and no 3G.

I choose to assume that this was accidental as I really would hate to think that Top Purchase purposely tried to unload an older version of the device on me hoping that I wouldn't notice and keep it anyway at the higher price I paid for the 3G version.  I called Top Purchase, talked to a machine and then to a person who accidentally disconnected me before putting me through to the person who could help me.  Of course, Freud said there are no accidents.

I called back and did get through to the right person eventually, after sitting on hold for several minutes.

“So my agent tells me that you received your order and you no longer want the item and would like to return it,” chirped the customer service representative.

“Not exactly,” I corrected her.  “I received an older version of what I ordered.  I would very much like to receive what I actually ordered.”

“No problem, ma’am,”  she chirped, “ We will send you a shipping label by e-mail and when you return the item then we will ship the other one to you, presuming that it is in stock.”

“Well, I ordered this item as a Christmas present, on November 21^st,”  I clarified, “and because of Top Purchase’s error it is now December 8^th and I will certainly not receive it in time if we do that.”

 

“Alright, ma'am,” the rep said, a little more tersely,  “we will send you the correct item immediately.”

“Well, actually, what I would like to do is return this item and pick up the correct item from one of my local stores,” I said, “ which I know must be possible since Top Purchase promotes same-day store deliveries for online purchases.”

She verified that this was possible and put me on hold. Several minutes later, she returned to the line.

“There is a problem,” she said, “that item is out of stock both here and in all your local stores.  We will have to wait until another shipment comes in.”

“Can you reserve one for me when the next shipment comes in at my local store so I can pick it up?”

Oh, that was not possible. Tablets were in high demand this close to the holiday, surely I understood that, she said.  Well yes I did understand that – that is why I ordered mine in November.

“So, let's review,” I said, “Top Purchase sent me the wrong version of an item that I ordered in November, and now can’t provide me with the correct product which is supposed to be a Christmas present, and can’t tell me when it might come in and it is already December 8^th.  What do you plan to do about this?”

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line.

“We will refund the money to your account immediately,” the rep said sullenly, “and we will send you this in an e-mail, along with the return label for the product you received.”

And they did.  At the same time, I received an e-mail from Top Purchase announcing that the very device I had tried to order was now on sale for $100 less than the price I had paid.  Of course, it wasn’t available online or at any of the stores within a 50-mile radius of my house.  Now, that's ironic. 

Ain't We Got Fun?

Ev'ry morning, ev'ry evening…
In the Winter in the Summer...
Hot or cold days, any old days...
In the meantime…in between time…
Aint we got fun?
                  -Richard A. Whiting, Gus Kahn, Ray Egan

My husband and I just celebrated our ninth wedding anniversary, and when it comes to our marriage every day is worthy of celebration.  He is the love of my life and my best friend.  We care for each other and support each other unconditionally.

But, just as important is the fact that we amuse each other.

For some reason, my husband decided to befriend me when I was going through three of the top five stressful life events that the Holmes and Rahe stress scale say can contribute to illness, all at the same time.  He was so great during this period that I kept expecting a halo to appear around his head while he proclaimed, "I am an angel, sent by God, to tell you that He loves you."  

But most miraculous of all, during this overwhelmingly stressful time, he could make me laugh.

We soon came to realize that we had a LOT of fun together.  All the time. Everywhere.  We can have as much fun at the grocery store as we have on vacation, and sitting around the house together is the source of much merriment to us.  We followed our bliss right into marriage.

When we were getting married, one of my friends was wishing me well, when she paused, thought for a minute, and then said, knowingly, “You will never be bored.”  It sounded a little like an ancient curse when she said it, but she was absolutely right.  We have never been bored, not for one minute.

Last week when we were celebrating our ninth anniversary with 100 or so of our best Friends (thanks to Facebook), someone said, “You too must have SO much fun together, ALL the time.”  Why yes, yes we do.  Even after nine years of marriage, we are having fun together every day.

It’s not that there haven’t been challenges - we have seen more than our fair share in these past nine years.  It’s life, you know, and things happen.  But we have a great gift of seeing the humor in life’s moments, both good and bad, and finding the joy in each other, in “us.” 

We’re laughing all the way.

Little Peppermint Candies (and Other Blessings)

There are almost no words to express how blessed we have been this year, for which we are truly grateful.  I say “almost” because I always have words, of course.  However, as another Thanksgiving comes to an end, I thought I’d like to express my thanks for some of the smaller pleasures of the holiday as well:

Verizon Stores on Every Street Corner.  Like Starbucks and McDonald's, Verizon stores now grace every village in America.   This was fortuitous when my husband dropped his cell phone upon arriving at his parents’ house and shattered the screen.  The nearest Verizon store was practically within walking distance of my in-laws’ house.

On-the-Scene Reporting from Black Friday.  Mind you I wouldn't be caught dead shopping after midnight at any retail store on Black Friday (preferring as we do to spend the day in New York City, which is at least as crazy).  But thanks to Richard, my son’s childhood friend who is kind enough to let me be his Facebook Friend, I enjoyed wildly entertaining posts of his annual Black Friday shopping trip with his mother, complete with photos.

Little Peppermint Candies – When I returned from the restroom after lunch at Bubba Gump's Shrimp Market in Times Square, my face lit up and I actually squealed with excitement upon finding a whole handful of peppermint candies at my place setting.  I didn't even mind when my husband and son told me I had missed the Forrest Gump quiz the waiter gave them in my absence.   I don't actually like that movie, but this restaurant inspired by it is just dandy.

Our Dodge Caravan – This van has seen a lot of living in seven years, with its dings, scratches, and an electronic door on the right hand passenger side that's been broken for longer than it was functional.  However, it can hold lots of stuff (the reason we bought it in the first place) and seats six or seven people, which I appreciated again as we were traveling to Thanksgiving dinner with five people on board (and room to spare).

My Knees – Just like Pittsburgh, New York has lots of unavoidable steps. There were long flights of steps at the restaurant and the theater, and let me tell you that wild horses couldn't have kept me from the restrooms on the second floor of the McDonald’s after that extra-large cup of coffee I drank on the way into the city. But this time I navigated the steps without incident – my knees took a lickin' but kept on tickin'.

Third Generation Family Members – It is always a delight to catch up with “the kids”, who are all in their 20's and doing exciting things with their careers and starting relationships these days.  But they are also savvy users of technology who are happy to share their expertise with their older, slower relatives.  A heartfelt thanks to my young cousin Sarah for showing me how to upload pictures from my camera to Facebook, which I managed to do all by myself later (with only a little sweat and tears).

Words with Friends Bingos This actually falls into the “Thanksgiving miracle” category, but I used all the letters in my hand TWICE for a total of 153 points in a recent Words game with Scott, my most formidable Words opponent, and…wait for it…actually WON the game by a healthy 85 points!  I did not believe that I won until I saw the final score with my own eyes because Scott, who is a charming person in real life, has a way of coming from behind to win in the rare instances where he is not winning the game all along. 

It ain't over till it's over, and trust me, when I won, you probably heard this fat lady sing wherever you were. 

Steppin' Aht

It was date night in Pittsburgh.  My husband and I were going to have dinner and see a show downtown.

I had gotten a little ambitious on the elliptical treadmill at the Y the day before the show and so my poor old arthritic knees were feeling a little vulnerable. I figured that I would just wear my best black sneakers for the show and avoid steps. I thought that I should be able to do this and be just fine.

But the city had other ideas.  I encountered my first unavoidable flight of stairs in the parking garage.  The elevator wasn't working so I had to take the stairs.  Eight flights down.  Even leading with my bad leg, my knees were not happy with me.

I met my husband for dinner at the “Taste of Dahntahn.” I had never been there before.  Earlier, my husband (not a Pittsburgh native) helpfully started to spell it for me so I could check out the menu online, but I stopped him.  Please!  I am Swissvale born-and-raised –I KNOW how to spell “dahntahn.”

At the restaurant they sat us at a high top table, which made it necessary to either dangle my legs, or tuck them back to rest on a narrow ledge.  Neither a good option for my gently aching knees.  We asked if we could have one of the nearby booths instead, and they explained that those were reserved for 3 and 4 tops, especially before a show.  They did however give us a two-person table (on the floor) in an adjacent room just as soon as one was cleared off, where we were seated next to two “four-tops” which were populated by two people each.

For a full review of the restaurant you might want to check out my husband’s review on Yelp! http://www.yelp.com/biz/taste-of-dahntahn-pittsburgh#hrid:qy4zKZbNGFn9oAJb7otx_g   Just suffice it to say that after having some of the best salad and worst service I've ever had in a restaurant, I headed for the restroom. This turned out to be down a very long flight of steps, which were, for reasons entirely unrelated to my knees, also unavoidable.  My knees were really starting to complain after I went down and back up those steps.

So then we were off to the theater.  I barely have words to describe War Horse, and what an achievement took place on stage that evening.  Let’s just say that the show takes puppetry to a new level, and the overall experience was exhilarating. I almost forgot about my knees. 

Ah, but during intermission my knee gave out with all the old, familiar, pain.  Okay, Pittsburgh Steps, I thought, I give up!  You win.

There were a few more flights to navigate to leave the theater, but I finally escaped the city, and its mad plot to destroy my left knee.

The Steps of Pittsburgh may have taken that night.  However, my daily knee exercises coupled with my chiropractic visits means that my knee was healthy, relatively pain-free and fully functional again on the very next day. Changing to the cycling machine at the gym for the next few days meant I could keep up my exercise routine without further compromising my knee. The Steps may have won that battle, but I’m winning the war.  

The Tommy Awards

Oh, so many questions with no clear answers.

If the producers of Dancing with the Stars had to have an all-star season, wouldn't it have been more compelling to feature fan favorites, runners up, and legitimate contestants who had never won the coveted mirror ball trophy (instead of nearly half of the contestants being past winners)?  And if every returning contestant couldn't dance with his or her original partner, shouldn't they all have had new partners for the season?

Perhaps the DWTS powers-that-be would have been better off to have had one entertaining awards show to pay recognition to some special achievements (both good and bad) by DWTS contestants, instead of a whole all-star season.  They could call them the Tommy Awards (or the “Tommies”) after DWTS Emmy-award-winning host Tom Bergeron.

Maybe I could get them started. And the Tommies go to….

Best-in-Show Celebrity Contestant

Donny Osmond , the oldest celebrity to win DWTS, was the perfect contestant.  He was a very good dancer and he took the dancing seriously, but did not take himself seriously.  He is one of the nicest and most likable celebrities ever, and not just on the show.  He simply couldn’t lose.

Worst Dancer Ever (TIE)

Master P has the distinction of receiving an 8 out of a possible 30 on one of his dances, the lowest total judges’ score in the history of the show.  And the judges were being generous.

Kate Gosselin, an abysmal dancer, managed to infuriate Tony Dovolani, a typically unflappable and endlessly patient pro partner, so much that he stormed out of one rehearsal in disgust.

Lasted Too Long Awards

Bristol Palin only edges out Jerry Springer, Cloris Leachman and Billy Ray Cyrus in this category because she stayed longer than they did (she was a finalist who came in third).

Least Sympathetic Contestant with a Disability

Former wife of Paul McCartney, Heather Mills is an amputee who was dancing with one prosthetic leg.  She constantly complained about how this made dancing so difficult.  Please, Heather, tell it to Oscar Pistorius, the double amputee who was an Olympian sprint runner.

Best Pairing of Celebrity and Pro Dancer

I have no idea who ever thought to put Kirstie Alley & Maksim Chmerkovskiy together.  Frankly, I thought it was a disaster waiting to happen.  Kirstie is quirky and outspoken, and Maks can be impatient and overbearing.  Somehow, these two are perfect together – veritable BFFs.

Best On-Air Use of a Former Contestant

A sportscaster who was justifiably the first dancer to leave in his season, Kenny Mayne now returns regularly to the show to host the highly entertaining “Dance Center” (a parody of “Sports Center”).

They Were Robbed Awards

In a crowded field of dancers who were voted off before they deserved to go, Sabrina Bryan is the hands-down winner, because she went too soon TWICE – once in her original season and again as an All Star.  Runners up include Stacy Keibler, Laila Ali, Gilles Marini , Mel B, William Levy, and Katherine Jenkins.

Worst Free-Style Dance

Marie Osmond came out dressed like a doll, and it went downhill from there.

Most Inspirational Contestant

War hero and burn victim J.R. Martinez became the most inspirational contestant just by showing up, but then went on to heighten the inspiration by winning his season.

Marlee Matlin was a close second.  She danced very well despite not be able to hear the music, and she did so without complaint. Are you listening to this, Heather?

Best Free Style Dance of All Time

In a tribute to Dirty Dancing and her late, great co-star, Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey came out in her outfit from the beginning of the movie, carrying a watermelon.  She proceeded to dance to “Do You Love Me?” from the show.  Way to choke me up and win the show, Jennifer.

Best Dancer Who Actually Won Their Season

Kristy Yamaguchi was perfection on the dance floor like she was perfection on skates, probably due to that stellar work ethic of hers that Scott Hamilton and Kurt Browning always talked about.

And so that concludes our first-ever Tommy Awards for achievement by Dancing with the Stars celebrity contestants.  Honestly, I don’t why the producers haven’t hired me as a writer yet.

A Long Strange Week

What a long strange week it’s been.

On Monday, Hurricane Sandy combined with a Nor’easter to create the perfect storm, although there is nothing perfect about the death and devastation it left in its wake in New Jersey and New York.   We have a lot of family and friends in the affected areas, and thankfully they all came through okay, although some were left without power for several days and some are without power still.

Back in Pittsburgh we were lucky.  While our neighbors to the East were trying to figure out how to begin to recover from the aftermath of Sandy, and areas all around us were hit with snow, the effects of this historic storm on our area was.... rain, and lots of it.  Oh, and it was windy, and there were some downed trees.  In other words, it was a typical southwestern Pennsylvania rainstorm.

That did not keep us from panicking.  Schools were closed on Tuesday, and I don’t fault the authorities for being preventative in their preparations for the storm that could have been much, much worse. I wonder how sheepish they felt when the kids were all home from school because it was raining outside.  And they definitely jumped the gun when townships throughout the area postponed trick or treat from Halloween night (Wednesday) to the following Saturday. 

Then on Tuesday we found out that America inexplicably voted Sabrina Bryan out far too early on Dancing with the Stars- All Stars - again.  In the sixth week, just like the first time she was on the show.  Sabrina was clearly distraught, and so was everyone else on the show.  She broke down completely during her final dance.  Suddenly, as much as I love the show, I could not get so worked up about this.  I mean, really, it’s just a dance show.  Winning it or losing it is not that big a deal.  I mean, does she have an intact home with working electricity? 

Frankly, I’m more interested in America getting it right when they vote this coming Tuesday.  After all it is the fate of the country that hangs in the balance after that vote, not a mirror ball trophy for a celebrity.  Of course, the impending election is taking its toll just as surely as the aftereffects of the hurricane, as is evidenced by a video that was all the rage this week of the little 4-year-old girl crying inconsolably because she was tired of hearing about the candidates.  I think we can all relate.  “Oh, Honey,” her mother comforted her, “don’t worry, the election will be over soon.”  

And then, just when you thought the week couldn't get any wierder, Heidi Klum took off her makeup to encourage women to do the same for some charity fundraiser in the UK, and… she never looked lovelier.  Heidi Klum is absolutely drop-dead gorgeous without her makeup.  No one looks that good without makeup.  I bet if she went to Giant Eagle like that, no one would ask her if she were very tired or sick or something because of the dark circles under her eyes. I bet she never once had to rely on her personality or her smarts or her good sense of humor to get by.  It just isn't fair, I tell you.

The week finally came to an end, and we actually saw a little sun on Saturday.  Here’s to a better week ahead.  Let’s hope that we have a respite from wicked weather, dancers unfairly eliminated from dance shows, and celebrities flaunting their naturally beautiful faces in front of us.  

Of course, I’m sure there will be a few more tears shed over the election before it’s all over.

Rip Aches, Insect Killer

As usual, I’m going about 35 miles an hour on the Information Superhighway.  I recently replaced the stereo in my car (which only had a tape player) with one with a fancy CD player. Now it also came with all kinds of things I don’t understand like Bluetooth and Pandora which I am sure I will get around to figuring out how to use one of these days, a week or so before they become obsolete.  But right now I am just happy to be listening to music of my own choosing and audio-books of titles that I never get around to reading.

Right now, I’m listening to Abraham Lincoln:  Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith.  This novel has an interesting premise – and I hope I’m not giving too much away here – that Abraham Lincoln was driven by a single-minded obsession with hunting and slaying vampires.  The sheer number of vampires who populated America according to this novel is kind of mind-boggling, like all those people who turn out to actually be Wesen on an episode of Grimm.

I kind of relate to Lincoln.  Of course, I have never encountered a vampire, that I know of, but my world has been populated with any number of creepy, crawly, and sometimes flying creatures who must be eliminated.  Yes, I would wager a guess that in real life undesirable insects greatly outnumber both vampires and Wesen. 

Unlike Lincoln I do not hunt insects.  As long as I don’t actually see them, I am more than happy to live and let them live.  I am, in fact, the very picture of laissez-faire when it comes to the unseen insect, or even those seen in the great outdoors.  However, once they show up on my “turf” (i.e. inside my home or office space) they just have to go.  Never mind that some of them are supposedly harmless.  They all multiply, and we simply can’t have that. 

I never needed any special weapons like Lincoln required with his vampires.  I just basically smash the bugs with whatever is nearby.  Then those pesky stink bugs made their unsightly appearance.  You can’t just kill these bugs because they emit a ghastly odor if you do that will only attract more of them.  Hmm, getting rid of these little critters required a vacuum cleaner or a toilet, but I adapted.

Fearlessly, I continue to deal with the critters who come my way.

Wait, I think I hear my husband yelling something like, “What do you mean, ‘fearlessly’?”  He is undoubtedly referring to that one singular incident, not long after we married, when the large bug scurried out from under my toothbrush when I was getting ready to brush my teeth.  I audibly expressed my shock, because it startled me.  I may have “screamed,” as my husband alleges.

He came rushing to the bathroom to see what was wrong, clearly envisioning that I was in some kind of imminent peril.

“What’s the matter?”  he asked, breathlessly.
  

“Oh, it was a bug,” I said, disgusted.
  

“A bug??!!”  he said, in disbelief.

“Well, it jumped out at me,” I explained.  “I was startled.”

My husband was clearly trying to calm his beating heart from the fright I had given him.

“Did the bug have a gun?”, he asked incredulously.

By this time, my son had casually wandered out of his bedroom, and had assessed the situation.

“Oh, that was nothing,” he told my husband, “You should have heard her the time the bird got in the house at Canonsburg.”

Well, I said I wasn’t afraid of bugs.  Birds and rodents are another story entirely.

Rip's Choice

My husband and I were on our way out of the Tanger Outlets and I was excitingly sharing the story of my very successful visit to the Easy Spirit Store with him. 

I have such hard-to-fit feet that it is rare that I can take advantage of any of their promotions that involve buying more than one pair of shoes at a time.  I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve left the store in defeat with just one pair of shoes, unable to find a second pair that fit that I would have been able to buy for half price.

Well, this time Easy Spirit had really thrown down the gauntlet with their Buy Two Pairs, Get One Free promotion.  I found my first pair pretty easily – they were a style I had been eyeing up on line for some time.  After some searching I found a second pair - black loafers- that also fit.  Wow, I actually found two pair of shoes that fit in one shopping trip – talk about impossible dreams.

So now the challenge was on.  If I could, improbably, find a third pair of shoes that day, they would be free.   I searched high. I searched low.  Then my eye fell upon the blue sticker on a shoebox that indicated the shoe inside was a double wide width.  I looked closer.  Eureka!  I had found that most elusive podiatric treasure -a 7 WW shoe.  My actual size.   The shoe fit, and I would wear it.  For free!

So I was sharing this happy story with my husband, who, suddenly, out of the blue, asked me a meaningful question.

“If you could only have one, which would you choose,” he asked, “shoes that fit or World Peace?”

What kind of a question was that???

God forgive me, but my knee jerk response was “Shoes that fit, of course.”  In my defense, he caught me off guard, and I was just coming off a successful shoe-shopping trip.  Just the minute it was out of my mouth, I was struck by that Old Catholic Guilt, and thought perhaps that was the wrong answer.

Maybe I was being selfish.  It’s not all about me, and my ability to walk without pain or stress on my knees.  Maybe I haven’t spent enough time sacrificing my own needs to save the world, although goodness knows that I have spent considerable time and effort trying to keep the peace in my own little corner of the world.

So, which would it be?  Walk the world in peace, or have peace in the world?  This is a harder choice than you might imagine.  Sure, World Peace seems unachievable but believe me, finding comfortable shoes to fit my feet has proved nearly as elusive.

Hey, I’ve got it!  Maybe if everyone in the world had shoes that fit, they would be so much happier and more comfortable that they wouldn’t even feel like fighting anymore, and – voila- we would have World Peace. Maybe I wouldn’t have to make a choice at all.  Maybe shoes that fit are the KEY to World Peace. 

We could have our shoes and wear them, too.

The Chairs of Canonsburg

From the time I moved there in 1988, I could tell that Canonsburg was a small town with a big personality.  Kind of a microcosm of old ethnic Southwestern Pennsylvania, it is a town proud of its traditions, cultural origins, and residents. It is a little town that thinks it can, and so it does.

Perry Como, Bobby Vinton and the Four Coins were all Canonsburg natives, a fact that the town has never forgotten and continues to celebrate.  You can’t forget it either when you drive through the town on  Perry Como Avenue, Bobby Vinton Boulevard, or Four Coins Drive.  In 1999, they erected a statue of Como in the middle of town, and now they are working on opening the Pop Music Hall of Fame in town because, well, why shouldn’t they, with that kind of musical legacy?

While it doesn’t exactly ruin my day when I have to fill my car with gas, I often yearn for a simpler, more civilized time so I very much appreciated Russo’s Sunoco Station in Canonsburg.  This full service gas station has competitive prices and helpful, friendly employees, many of whom I knew by name.

I really do have some sort of inexplicable aversion to visiting a mega-size supermarket to just pick up a carton of milk, so I was a big fan and regular customer of The Tiny Store, so named because it is a really small grocery store.  Of course.  Can you think of a better name?  

No discussion of Canonsburg’s unique character would be complete without a shout out to Sarris Candies.  Not only does it produce some of the best chocolate candy you would ever have the privilege of having melt in your mouth, the Sarris family are just plain "good people" who are particularly generous in their support of local non-profits.

The Sarris family was the epitome of grace under fire (pun fully intended) when their old fashioned ice cream parlor actually caught on fire earlier several months ago.  With a “thank God no one was hurt” they set about repairing the parlor, cleaning up and replacing the store’s inventory and recreating their famed Chocolate Castle.  They continued to produce and sell their candy during the period when the store was closed, and at their Grand Reopening a few months later, the family presented the Canonsburg Volunteer Fire Department with a generous check as a thanks for all their help.

The Canonsburg townspeople are also practically giddy with self-satisfaction over their Fourth of July Parade, the second largest in the state.  It really is an absolute extravaganza and the definitive parade, if you like that sort of thing.

It is also the hottest ticket in town.  The first July I lived in Canonsburg, I observed a strange phenomenon. Lawn chairs started appearing along the main thoroughfare in town a day or two before the Fourth of July Parade.  It turns out that people were saving their seats along the parade route in advance.  I thought that this was a little extreme, but it was a tradition the Canonsburg people held dear.  Over the years I lived there the chairs were placed out earlier and earlier, sometimes up to week ahead of time.   I thought things had gotten out of hand, but clearly I was just an outsider who didn’t understand the native ways for the 15-year period that I lived in Canonsburg-Land.

This year, though, people started putting out their chairs as early as June 22^nd, and some folks were also using yellow police tape and chains and ropes to hold their groups of chairs together.  It had become a nuisance and an occasional danger, with chairs being blown  into the streets and such. The town officials had had enough (it was about time, people).  They proposed an ordinance prohibiting the placement of chairs before 6 a.m. on the day of the parade.

Well, the townspeople didn't take this infringement of their time-honored practice sitting down.  There was an outpouring of angst-ridden outrage at this idea, which even an ex-patriot outsider like I knew was not going to fly.  6 a.m. the day of the parade?  What kind of traffic jams and possible rioting in the streets would that cause?  Why, you might as well just bring your lawn chair with you to the parade and not be able to save a spot at all, like, oh I don't know, people in other towns.
 

In response to  public pressure, the town council (in a split decision) voted that residents would be able to place their chairs (and only their chairs) out no sooner than 48 hours before the parade. (http://www.observer-reporter.com/or/story11/10-09-canonsburg-chairs).

Now that was a nice compromise, I thought, and more than fair.  Canonsburg gets to be Canonsburg, within reason.

Have You Ever Really Loved a (Plus Size) Woman?

It is hard to imagine what possessed Kenneth Krause to write the hurtful, presumptuous e-mail taking Wisconsin TV anchorwoman Jennifer Livingston to task for her weight, calling her a bad role model for the community’s young people, especially the girls.  I don’t know what sort of response he expected, but I am pretty sure that he did not anticipate what happened next.

You see, Mike Thompson, Livingston’s husband and also an anchor at the same news station, was pretty upset at what he considered an inappropriate attack on his wife.  He posted the e-mail on his Facebook page, generating an outpouring of support for Jennifer.  This prompted her to offer a 4-minute editorial on the news, addressing Krause’s e-mail, calling him a bully and saying that to call her an unfit role model for the community solely based on her appearance was unacceptable.  It’s all gone viral, and has sparked a national debate on the subject.

Oh, I could have told Kenneth that he really never wants to mess with a guy in love with a plus sized woman.  He probably didn’t realize that it was possible for obese women to have men who loved them and who actually thought they were beautiful just exactly the way they were.  Trust me it is, and these guys are fiercely protective of their ample ladies.  Ever hear of “more to love,” Kenneth?

Thin was never really “in” with my husband, who actively and vocally appreciated what he likes to refer to as my “curves” from the very beginning of our relationship.  He really did call me one day shortly after we started dating to let me know that he would love me even if I was skinny.  He did not want me to think that he was attracted to me just for my body.

So it shouldn’t have come as a surprise when he shared with me how he told off the salesladies at Victoria’s Secret in the Ross Park Mall when shopping for my birthday one year.  He innocently inquired whether they carried larger sizes.  According to him it was the condescending and snobby manner of their response that prompted him to proclaim, “The problem with you people is that you don’t realize that big women can be sexy, too!” before storming out of the store.  Isn’t that cute?  How I wished I could have been a bug on the wall of that store to see their faces.

Yes, Kenneth, you might have gotten away with messing with Jennifer but you didn’t count on Mike’s response, whose anger with you after reading your e-mail was as palpable and evident as his passionate love for his wife was.

For the record, Jennifer Livingston is exactly the kind of role model I would like to see for the children of my community.  She is a professional woman who has been working in her high-profile job for 15 years while maintaining a healthy relationship and starting a family.  None of this has anything to do with her weight, which should no more be a factor in her professional life than her race, gender, religion, or sexual orientation.  Furthermore, she took the opportunity in her articulate editorial to caution parents to watch what they say around their children because cruelty is learned and told kids that it is never okay to be a bully or to be bullied.  Role model?  Heck, right about now she’s my hero.

By the way, as long as we’re debating this nationally now, where will the infringement on our personal freedom in this country end?  Since when did it become a crime to be big, or even unhealthy?  In the past 18 months, I have been eating right and exercising and managing my arthritis.  I am feeling pretty darn healthy these days.  Despite losing more than 40 pounds in the process, I am still “obese” according to the arbitrary health and weight charts that do not take into account that larger people can be healthy, too.

I am sure there are people out there who presume to judge me. But my husband still loves me just exactly the way I am, and he always will.

Rules for the Road

We were on the Turnpike again this past weekend, traveling over rivers and through woods across the great commonwealth of Pennsylvania to get to New Jersey, to visit with my husband’s family. 

Now we do this drive at least twice a year, so you’d think that we’d have the routine down.  For the most part we do, but we are constantly refining the process to put together the most stress-free trip possible.

The fact that we were driving instead of flying was a very good start, if for no other reason than I could throw three jackets in the car without a second thought to accommodate varying weather conditions.  But there are other measures you can take to ease on down that road.

1)      Never sip your coffee when you are driving over a speed bump.

My husband actually came up with this rule as we were leaving the McDonald’s in Cranberry, Egg McMuffins in tow, on our way to the Turnpike.  You certainly want to get a few good swigs of the coffee down before you hit the road, preferably while parked at a red light. This reduces the incident of spillage when you hit rough patches in the road, which you invariably will on the Pennsylvania Turnpike.

2)      Travel on a non-holiday weekend.

We always travel to New Jersey for Thanksgiving, and often the second time we visit is also around a holiday- either Memorial Day or the Fourth of July.  This time, we were going the last weekend in September. My husband’s cousin invited the whole extended family to a party to celebrate her mother’s birthday and the fact that her parents would be in town from Florida, and her brothers would be in town from Seattle and France, respectively.

This would have been worth traveling for under any circumstances, even in holiday weekend traffic, but how lovely it was to drive the less-traveled turnpike road, without the usual level of traffic or the inevitable bottle-neck as you travel through (over?) Philadelphia.  When we got to the New Jersey highway that leads to my in-laws’ house, we wondered for a minute if we were on the right road, until we realized that it just looks a lot different without all the cars flocking to the shore for the weekend, making it a veritable parking lot.

3)      Check the toilet seat before sitting.

Pardon me if I venture into a slightly indelicate area here – i.e. the Ladies Room at the Rest Stops.   A mishap in there can truly put a damper on your whole trip (no pun intended).    Ladies, check the seat before you sit down.  This has always been important for obvious reasons, but nowadays it is even more essential because the automatic flush feature you now find on so many toilets will sometimes spray outside the toilet and leave a fine mist on the seat.  This is clean water, but it is, nonetheless, still wet, as water usually is.  I imagine that is somewhat reminiscent of the bidet, but I wouldn’t know of course because I’ve never traveled outside continental North America.

In a related tip, always check to make sure there is toilet paper in the stall before sitting.  Just for extra insurance, carry some Kleenex in your purse.

4)      Carry a small strap-on hands-free purse with you.

You can put this with all your most essential items (wallet, keys, cell phone, and that all-important Kleenex) inside a larger handbag or tote, so that you can travel through the rest stop with all your most important items strapped to your body leaving your hands free for eating, etc.  Most importantly of all, your belongings never have to leave your body, to be hung from the toilet stall door or sitting next to you while you eat your Whopper Junior, because you never know when some unsavory character will try to steal your belongings.

I was brought up to have a healthy paranoid suspicion of all strangers and taught that no one, but no one, should ever be trusted.  That’s why I was shocked when I heard about the young couple who had all their wedding presents stolen when they left them unattended in an outdoor reception area while they slept in a building nearby.  I was not shocked that the presents were stolen, only that the couple was foolish enough to leave them unattended.  Let me tell you those presents would have been in the wedding bed with my new groom and me. 

Of course the most important tip of all, at least for me, is to have my laptop with me, so I could have this blog finished in time for my self-imposed Monday deadline.   

(Published on Monday, October 1, at 6:57 p.m.)

Crossing to the Other Side

Something wasn’t quite right about the top I was trying on at Dress Barn Woman.  I couldn’t put my finger on it exactly.  It was a 14/16, my “new” size.  Maybe it was just the way it was made. 

I tried on the second shirt I brought into the dressing room. It was nice, and it fit, but it was, I don’t know, maybe just a little…loose?  I stared at myself in the mirror for a full minute or two letting that sink in. Yes, it was true – the blouse wasn’t TOO loose, but definitely a LITTLE loose. 

Now I was confused.   What was I going to do about buying tops?  A 14/16 or a 1X was the smallest size that Dress Barn Woman carried.  Then I remembered that Dress Barn had Another Side.

The Other Side is called “Dress Barn Misses” and carries clothes of some alternative size for female people unlike me.  According to Dress Barn, I have always been a “Woman” (aka a plus size gal).  I had never really been on that Other Side of the store before, although I knew it existed. 

I walked out of the dressing room and looked in the direction of the Other Side.  Should I just take a look over there?  I debated with myself.  Oh, what would be the point, I thought.  After all, that blouse was only a LITTLE loose; surely an Extra Large would still be too small.  Well, I told myself, that red winterish jacket I bought and love so much is just an Extra Large.  Yes, but I found that on the 85% off rack, and it had arms long enough to fit an orangutan.   It was clearly mislabeled.

I finally talked some sense into myself.  For heaven’s sake, the Other Side of the store was just a few feet away, and it wouldn’t hurt just to look.  Slowly I walked in the direction of that side of the store, past the cash register, through the jewelry and scarves and belts that separate the two sides, to the edge of the Other Side.

I stopped for a moment, and just looked into the sea of clothes made for “regular” people.  Finally, I took a breath, closed my eyes, and stepped in.

Hey, the clothes over there were just like the clothes on the “Woman” side, only smaller!  It was gratifying to know that Dress Barn made the same clothes for all sizes of women, and did not presume that all plus-sized women only wanted shapeless muu-muus or drop waist dresses.  Hmm, they were also less expensive than their plus size counterparts, as much as $4.00 cheaper for a casual top, in clear discrimination against larger people.  But don’t get me started.

I saw the same top I had first tried on that didn’t seem quite right.  For the first time it dawned on me that maybe it might just have been too big.  No, that couldn’t be it, could it?  It seems that I couldn’t stop arguing with myself that day.  I decided to try it on, and…it fit perfectly!  In an Extra Large, everything sat right where it needed to be.

So that’s the story of the day I bought an Extra Large top at Dress Barn Misses (not Woman).  Of course, I will not be able to buy all my clothes on the “regular” side of the store, because of my very irregular body-  my top half has begun to flirt with regularity, but my bottom half is still very much a “womanly” plus size. 

Once a pear shape always a pear shape, but it is a much smaller pear these days.

Tea and Jewelry and Makeup and Food Storage

I went to my very first Tupperware party when I was in my 20’s.  I liked the stuff, and the next thing you know I was hosting a party where I could earn some Tupperware of my own.

And that’s how that ball of wax got rolling.  Over the following decade I lost count of the number of Tupperware parties I attended, and because I was at the age when I still couldn’t say no, I hosted two parties at home, in addition to being one of lots of hostesses at a Tupperware Bingo at the Houston (PA) Volunteer Fire Hall.  Yes, that really happened.  I can’t make this stuff up, folks.

I regret none of it, because I love my Tupperware.  I could go on and on about the products.  The cake and pie “takers”, and the space saving pitchers that fit in the refrigerator door, the divided vegetable tray, and the biggest-mixing-bowl-in-the-world.  I also have two large plastic, water-and-air-proof Tupperware photo boxes, which I bought back in the olden days before we started storing our photos on the computer.

But hands-down the best Tupperware item I own is my little “storganizer,” a sleek, unassuming tri-layer plastic brown box with compartments that hold little items like pens, and paper clips.  This little box has moved with me four times to two different counties, and continues to sit faithfully next to me on the end table in the living room.

For many years no one invited me to Tupperware or any other kind of home demonstration parties.  I don’t know why.  Was it because I now answered invitations with, “I would love to come, and will definitely buy something, but really, I don’t want to have a party.”?

The drought ended with an invitation to a Silpada party a few months ago.  I had received some Silpada jewelry as a gift from my husband and it was really beautiful, so I was happy to attend the party, check out the inventory, and add to my collection.

Then a friend invited me to a Premier Designs jewelry party.   Their jewelry was fun and funky, and while I only bought one piece at the party, in a moment of whimsy I decided it might be fun to have a party myself to buy a few more pieces, and get a few dollars off.  I decided that I would make it a tea party with little finger sandwiches and scones and iced tea, and call it “Tea and Jewelry.” Just like it is with my blog, once I had the title, I was good to go.

The representative told me that the goal would be to have 10 people at the party.  That would be about right, I thought, because it had my experience way back when that I would invite every lady I ever knew to these parties, and no matter what the total number was, 10 people would show up.  This time was no exception.  I had exactly 10 people at my party, and my friend who had the party I attended also made a purchase although she could not attend in person.

So, as promised, we had tea, and jewelry, and a delightful visit.  We learned things about Premier Designs, and jewelry in general.  For instance, did you know that if you wear an extra-long necklace it instantly makes you look taller AND 15 pounds thinner?  I wish I would have known that before I embarked on my diet more than a year ago.  That 15-pound head start would have really been helpful.  As a bonus I earned more than $500 (!) in free jewelry.  I made sure my shopping spree (that resulted in a whole wardrobe of new jewelry) included at least one extra-long necklace.

You know that old saying about when it rains, it pours?  I was invited to a Mary Kay party.  Now I am ever interested in covering flaws and minimizing the ravages of age on the appearance of my face, so I attended eagerly.   At one point, my friend Emily (who was the Mary Kay rep) asked the crowd, “What is your biggest complaint about your eyelashes, ladies?” 

“They’re too short and stubby,” I replied without hesitation.  That was the right answer.  I haven’t yet received my Mary Kay Eyelash Serum that I ordered to actually make my eyelashes grow, so I’ll have to report back to you on that, but I can give a wholehearted recommendation of their red lipstick, which is a nice dark shade that stays on even after you eat and drink.

I thought I was finished but then the Pittsburgh CLO announced that “Dixie’s Tupperware Party” would be taking up residence at the CLO Cabaret for the next several weeks.  Rumor has it that our hostess, Dixie Longate puts on quite a show and actually sells Tupperware in the lobby during the show.  So, in the second week of October, I will be coming full circle and my husband and I will have a chance to replenish our Tupperware supply.

It sounds like fun…as long as Dixie understands that I am NOT going to be hosting a party.

If you want to check out Dixie’s Tupperware Party for yourself, check out http://www.pittsburghclo.org/shows/view/52/refer:upcoming-shows or call 412-456-6666.