If the Shoe Fits

One of the favorite annual events of my childhood, along with Christmas and my birthday, was the yearly airing of the television production of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella starring Lesley Ann Warren in the title role. Lesley Anne was just luminous, and I was entranced each time I watched her win the Prince (played by Stuart Damon).


I looked forward to seeing it all year, and my friends and I would often watch it together. We would sing along with all the songs we loved so much, envisioning ourselves being lifted from our everyday drudgery by the love of our very own Prince Charming.

My love of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella never really diminished. I still get that same warm and fuzzy feeling every time I catch a clip of Lesley Ann in the role on You Tube. So when I heard that the Robert Morris University Summer Colonial Theatre (where I like to spend my summers) was doing the show this year, I was excited. I was thrilled when I was cast as the Stepmother.

Although I am now old enough to be Cinderella’s, well, mother, I do still share one characteristic with her. It’s about our feet.

We were talking one night at rehearsal about how unusual it was that no other woman in the kingdom wore the same size shoe as Cinderella, and our director shared her theory that perhaps it wasn’t a matter of size, that perhaps Cinderella had misshapen feet. My husband immediately turned and looked at me.

Let me set one thing straight right now. I do NOT have misshapen feet. They are an unusual size, to be sure- short, with an unnaturally wide instep, a narrow heel, and a high arch. This makes it hard to find shoes that fit, but does not exactly qualify me for a circus side show or anything.

I don’t know what Cinderella did for footwear before the Fairy Godmother showed up, but for years I ran around in 8 ½ W shoes that cost $19.99 or less at one of the discount shoe chains. These shoes did not fit me, but I didn’t know that at the time because I had never experienced a shoe that fit.

My fairy godmother showed up in the form of a salesperson at Lady Foot Locker, where I went when I joined a gym and decided that I wanted a good pair of sneakers to work out in. She measured my foot and informed me, much to both our surprise, that I actually should be wearing a 7WW, which she assured me would be hard to find. They did not carry shoes that size, and so she referred me to the Easy Spirit store across the way in the mall.

The Easy Spirit sneakers I purchased that day were so comfortable that my spirit actually was easier when I had them on. I wanted to wear them every day. I began to wonder if shoes that actually fit my foot came in other styles. As it turns out, they do, and it seems that only Easy Spirit makes them.

So, I set out on a lifelong quest, with shoes that fit as my Dulcinea. Each shoe purchase is its own little scavenger hunt. First you have to find a style that comes in a 7WW, and then find a 7WW that is actually in stock. Once I started wearing loafers and pumps that fit, I discovered that my feet were slightly different sizes, which means the more adjustable the shoe and/or straps, the better. And I never could wear heels and I still can’t. However, with time and patience, I have acquired a small wardrobe of Easy Spirit shoes, suitable for all occasions.

Easy Spirit shoes have changed my life just the way that glass slipper changed Cinderella’s. Wearing shoes that fit has been a revelation to me, a luxury I never imagined would happen to me. And my feet and I are living happily ever after.

Robert Morris University’s Summer Colonial Theatre presents Rodger & Hammerstein’s Cinderella July 28 – 31 in Robert Morris University’s Massey Theatre. Curtain is at 8pm, Thursday – Saturday with a 2pm matinee on Sunday. Tickets are $10 and will be available at the door.  For more information about the show - http://www.rmu.edu/theatre

But I Won't Do That

You hear a lot lately about people and their “bucket lists” of things they must do before they die. Me, I have a list of things that I’d rather die than ever do again. I call it my “chuck it list.” 

Of course, there are things that I’ve never done that I don’t care to try. Mountain climbing, skiing, sky diving, and bungee jumping all come to mind. My “chuck it list” is made up of things I’ve tried (often more than once) and never want to experience again. My top ten things I never want to do again, in no particular order, are:

1) Washington County Fair - I was a city girl who had never even been to a county fair when I was put in charge of my organization’s food booth at the Washington County Fair one year. To say that week was a living hell is a gross understatement. Beyond the horror and utter exhaustion of that assignment, I realized that there really was nothing at a county fair that I liked to do, with the possible exception of chatting with the carnies (the quirky and off-beat folks who travel from fair to fair to run the midway rides). Nonetheless, I attended several more times when my son and his high school band performed before the School Bus Demolition Derby each year. Seriously. I can’t make this stuff up.

2) Any Body Of Water- I am a non-swimmer who hates the feeling of being in water, even in a bathtub. When I was 12 I had to be rescued by the lifeguard at a local swimming pool. At 23, I almost drowned after falling in while riding the rapids on the Youghiogheny River. You don’t have to hit me over the head more than 2 or 3 times. I can take a hint. I stay out of bodies of water now.

3) Horse Back Riding- You know that old adage about getting right back on that horse if you fall? I am here to tell you that you never have to get on a horse again after breaking your pelvis in two places when the horse you’re riding throws you, even after the nightmares stop.

4) Canton Football Hall of Fame-I once spent FIVE HOURS in this museum, because my then nine-year-old son was determined to read every word of every display in the place. That was quite enough for this lifetime.

5) Any Production Of Copacabana- I have nothing against Barry Manilow or Lola (she was a show girl), but I sat all the way through one fine , well-done production of this truly abysmal musical based on the lyrics of the song. The very thought of seeing it a second time makes me cringe.

6) A Roller Coaster- I used to ride roller coasters, within reason. But as I “matured” I lost my taste for these and most other amusement park rides. I have morphed into one of those studda bubbas who holds everyone’s stuff while sitting on the bench in the shade, eating my Sno-Cone and Potato Patch fries.

7) Grade School Spelling Bee- You would think these would be fun and happy memories, wouldn’t you? Instead, they were intense affairs, with driven 8-year-olds and anxious parents, and (in at least one case) enough trauma and angst over a misspelled word to last a lifetime.

8) A Yes Concert- Yes is a 70’s rock band that is perfectly enjoyable in concert – the first 5 or 6 times you go.

9) Confession – In my Catholic elementary school, they used to march us over to Church periodically to confess our sins. Despite being generally wracked with guilt all the time, I often couldn’t really think of anything I did that was all that wrong – I was a kid after all. I confessed to disobeying my parents and lying far more often than I actually committed those offenses, because I felt like I had to say SOMETHING when I went into the confessional booth. The last time they made us go to confession in eighth grade was the last time I went to confession.

10) Canonsburg Fourth of July Parade – Been there, done that – 14 times. Enough said.

Don't Know Much About History

Don’t know much about history
Don’t know much biology
Don’t know much about a science book
Don’t know much about the French I took.

                             -“What a Wonderful World”, Sam Cooke

I always like watching Jeopardy, even though I could never make it on the actual show. My general lack of coordination coupled with my need to mentally process the clue and THEN formulate the answer (in the form of a question) means there is no way that I could possibly buzz in before two fellow contestants whether or not I knew the answer.

So, when I discovered I could play Jeopardy online I was pretty happy. Online Jeopardy is different. There are no opponents – just you and the Machine. It is also in a multiple choice format. Being provided with four possibilities gives me a fighting chance - I have at least a 25% shot at a correct answer in every category, even if it is a complete guess.

This is important for me because I am stronger in some categories than others. I like to think that this is the case with most of us, with the exception of a handful of brainiacs who just know something about everything. What disturbs me, though, is the particular subjects with which I struggle.

You see, I don’t know anything at all about serious, weighty subjects like science and math. Math was always the bane of my academic existence, despite coming from a family who was, largely, good in the subject. I cannot accurately add and subtract numbers in my checkbook without my calculator, but my sister is an accountant who elected to take Trigonometry in high school because she figured it would be an easy “A.”

Geography also baffles me. For some reason, I have never been able to remember exactly where all the places are or what they’re called in this big world of ours. I am embarrassed to admit that I’m not exactly sure of the placement of some of the Midwest states in our own country, and, honestly, I really have never been able to distinguish Montana from Wyoming.

I actually do know a little bit more about history, which is the story of people. I have always found the subject of people and their motivations very interesting, if often perplexing. However, I am better at modern history than ancient, especially those current events of my lifetime which happened long enough ago that they are now history. I do keep up with current events – e.g. politics, the weather, anything that involves a Steeler - stuff like that.

So what topics DO I know, you’re asking yourself? I am quite proficient in what I like to think of as the “Fine Arts.” I am very knowledgeable about Broadway musicals, theater in general, literature and writers (especially Mark Twain), anything to do with language, the movies and Oscar winners, actors and actresses, and the pop culture of my youth. While I may not be able to tell the difference between a trapezoid and a triangle, I know without hesitation that Cherie Currie appeared as “Annie” in the movie Foxes with Jodie Foster in 1980. Trust me neither of these topics typically comes up at your average dinner party.

Music is a little trickier – I know a LOT about Broadway show tunes and popular music produced between 1930 and 1989, but not so much about classical music and opera. Somewhere in the 1990’s the popular music scene lost me. My first thought when I heard that Josh Duhamel was dating Fergie was that Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, and he made quite the odd couple.

My ultimate top Jeopardy category, though, is television. I am an avid television fan, and you can ask me anything about it, from its beginnings to the present. I even know facts about shows that were on before I was born and about shows that I have never watched. I am a living, breathing example of how watching too much television can absolutely rot your brain, and keep you from learning important topics like science, math and geography. Unless of course you‘re watching Jeopardy.

Freedom on the Fourth

I am as patriotic as the next person. I love being an American, and I thoroughly appreciate the democratic process. In fact, I continue to enthusiastically participate in it no matter how many times my candidates are turned down by fellow patriots (Hillary was ROBBED).


So, here it is – the Fourth of July. The birth of our nation certainly warrants a national holiday. What a better way to tip our hats to our hard-working forefathers than to take a day off work in their honor?

The chairs are lined up and down the parade route in Canonsburg, in preparation for what is truly one of the biggest and finest Fourth of July parades, certainly in Pennsylvania and perhaps in all of the United States. I have no intention of going anywhere near Canonsburg today. See, I’m not crazy about parades, and after attending 14 consecutive Canonsburg Fourth of July parades (each attendance has its own place on the things-I’ve-done-for-you list that I have compiled for my son), I’ve blissfully retired from parade attendance.

My husband and I aren’t much for fireworks, either. I mean, they’re okay, the first few are pretty, but really, how many fireworks in a row do you want to see? They’re certainly not worth leaving the house and staying out after dark. Our mutual distaste for fireworks is one of the things that brought us together. “You don’t like fireworks? Really? Wow! I don’t like fireworks either!” A pause, as you look at each other, the happy realization that you have found your soul mate sinking in. “Let’s get married!”

So, perhaps it comes as no surprise to you that my husband and I had no specific plans for the Fourth this year, aside from watching the Boston Pops on television. When we realized that my father’s senior apartment building was having their meal at noon, as they often do on holidays, we asked him over for dinner. Our first thought was a cookout, a Fourth of July tradition we actually wholeheartedly support. We cook out on our grill all the time. However, my dad doesn’t much like eating outdoors, and since we do grill out all the time, my husband decided to make Shrimp Jambalaya. We all like shrimp.

Actually, when you really think about the meaning and spirit of Independence Day, this will be a perfect holiday celebration. And I know all about the signing of the Declaration of Independence, and not just from studying it in school, way, WAY back when. I have also seen 1776 four times on stage, which included seeing three performances of one production of the show in a five-day period. My husband played Benjamin Franklin in that production. It was my favorite husband playing my favorite founding father. How could I resist? Believe me it is a better history lesson than it is a musical.

Today, by breaking with tradition, we will celebrate the very principles upon which our nation was founded –that is, the freedom to be exactly who we want to be, to express ourselves without fear, to live as we please and to do whatever we damn well please on any given holiday.

Besides, jambalaya is at least as American as, well, hot dogs and hamburgers, originating as it did in the French quarter of New Orleans, most likely by Spanish immigrants trying to recreate their native paella without using saffron (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jambalaya ). And I did buy a festive plastic Fourth of July tablecloth for our Shrimp Jambalaya dinner. I fully support the red, white and blue thing. As anyone who knows me can tell you, red is my favorite color.