It’s a divisive time we’re living in right now. A time when people think nothing of attacking you online because you say you admire someone- anyone- they don't like and their disagreement is always angry and combative, not respectful. A time when you see someone on a roof at an outdoor event, and you immediately wonder if they have a gun. A time when a traffic altercation may end up in physical harm. A time when you know your government decidedly does NOT have your back and that you could face real harm if you so much as disagree with them or just belong to a group they disfavor.
There are things we can do to improve our world in a larger
sense. Voting. Supporting initiatives that help people
instead of hurting and suppressing folks who are living their lives and hurting
no one.
But, and hear me out, what if we tried to make our little
corner of the world a nicer place to be by treating each other kindly in our
day-to-day interactions? When my husband and I started dating, he told me my
instruction manual was one page long and could be summed up in four words, “Be
nice to me.” I never thought that was so
much to ask.
Think about it. We
can be nice to each other- friends, colleagues, strangers-all the time. What if
we really thought about how our decisions and words affect people, and then
weigh those decisions, with the utmost important factor being not needlessly
hurting someone, and that includes their feelings?
Now for the positively radical idea. Several months ago, I
started a new experiment. I call it If
You See Something Good, Say Something. The concept is simple. If I find myself
thinking something GOOD about someone, I make a point of telling them about it.
This movement goes beyond complimenting someone because you
like their shoes, or displaying common courtesy, like holding the door for the
person coming after you or even nodding and smiling at a stranger on the
street.
It’s about expressing the admiration you feel for another
person to that person. To build
people up by simply telling them what they are doing right and letting them
know that someone has noticed and appreciated them.
Is the bass standing behind you in the chorus such a strong
singer that you feel that you could probably sing the bass part if she was
singing behind you even though you are a lead and never learned the bass? Tell them!
Do you really appreciate the thorough, detailed minutes the
president of your organization is now providing the day after the meeting? Tell them!
Do you absolutely treasure the co-worker who consistently answers
your emails in a timely manner and provides the information you need to do your
job when you need it? Tell them!
Are you practicing your choreography for a choral piece by
watching a recording of it, and find yourself following one chorus member who
is doing it perfectly? Tell them!
I wish I could fully explain the uplifting results of this
practice. The way the person receiving
the compliment lights up and sincerely appreciates the affirmation. The pure joy I feel when I see how happy it
makes them. The way I now actively appreciate the people I know more fully
because I am now noticing their good qualities and actions. How doing this is now coming naturally, I
don’t have to think about.
Sometimes there is a direct ripple effect. One friend responded in kind to the
recognition with something they admired about me. They had no way of knowing that the trait of
mine they singled out was one that has not always been regarded so favorably by
others in the past. Hearing that was validating
to me. You never know how much someone
needs to hear the positive affirmation you offer.
Admiring someone is one thing but sharing that admiration
with the person inspiring it is transformative to how it feels to live in the
world.
