The Day Between Christmas

Twas the day between Christmas and all through the house,

Not a laptop was open and nor was a mouse.
The stockings were taken from the chimney and shared,
And the Tablets were worth all that we beared.

My Italian family traditionally  celebrates Christmas on Christmas Eve with fish and pasta and presents and lots of laughter and love. This year we celebrated on December 23rd just because it worked out better logistically for most of us.

We had all the same ingredients for a happy holiday even though we held it a day early.  In another twist on tradition, I actually assisted in preparing the meal.  Yes, I made TWO different kinds of lasagna, which is one of just a handful of dishes in my limited culinary repertoire.  I just wanted to put that out there because no one seemed to believe it last night.  Of course my husband made everything else.

Now we plan to have Chinese food and a movie on Christmas Day which IS our tradition, but this has left us with a curious situation of having a day between our two holidays this year. 

In a bold move, we opened our stockings today instead of waiting until Christmas Morning.  But mostly today became Tablet Day in our household, a brand new holiday where my husband and I spend most of the day discovering and exploring our new Samsung Galaxy 2 (his) and I -Pad Mini (mine), the tablets we have worked so hard to choose over the past few months as Christmas presents.  Let me tell you it was SUCH a surprise when we opened the packages we had lovingly wrapped a day or so earlier. 

It has provided hours of fun so far.  I was determined to produce this blog using my new toy- er, I mean, I-Pad Mini and so I have, albeit a little late. 

Here it is with my sincerest wishes for a Happy Christmas to all of you who celebrate.  Now I think it's time to get back to that long  winter's nap that is so overdue.

You Say "Chanukah," I Say "Hanukkah"

“What a happy Hanukkah and Birthday Family Night,” I posted on my Facebook wall as I was contentedly basking in the afterglow of celebrating the holiday and my husband’s birthday with my son and his girlfriend.

I thought that this was an entirely innocuous post, not like the one I posted a few days later in horrified exasperation demanding that we all band together to finally do something about enacting some sensible gun control laws in this country.  I really didn’t expect any controversy. 

Nonetheless, one Friend took me to task on my use of “Hanukkah,” saying “Now, your husband says ‘Chanukah.’”

I pointed out that either is correct, to which she responded that she knew that but that my husband carries more weight, "figuratively."

Really, I thought?  Why is that?  Because he is a good speller?  You know, while I might not be able to type to save my life, I am also an excellent speller.  If you don’t believe me ask my two former classmates who used to correct my spelling papers in junior high. No, seriously, we had dinner with one of them a few weeks ago and we were reminiscing about that.

Oh, and not that it matters, but I would like to point out that my husband literally carries more weight than me too.  For heaven’s sake, he’s got 7 or 8 inches on me, I should hope he would weigh a few more pounds than I do.

Oh…wait a minute…maybe she thought he would know how to spell Hanukkah/Chanukah because he’s Jewish, and it is a Jewish holiday.  Well, transliterating Hebrew into English can be quite a challenge, one that can result in a number of debates over spelling.

The best explanation I could find is from the Lindenhurst Patch, which tells us that a quick Google search turns up 15 different spellings, and that Americans have come up with several variations to transliterate the Hebrew word to English, mostly depending on whether a person chooses to start with an “H” or “Ch” and the number of times “N” or “K” appears.  It goes on to say that many American Jews have grown up spelling it with the “Ch” form because it represents the phoneme that begins the word that does not exist in American English, while the Library of Congress and the Associated Press spell it “Hanukkah.”  (for more on this and other fun facts about the holiday, check out http://lindenhurst.patch.com/articles/is-it-chanukah-or-is-it-hanukkah).

As he is very much an American Jew with a knack for pronouncing that old-world guttural “ch” sound, my husband prefers “Chanukah.”  As for me, if “Hanukkah” is good enough for the Library of Congress, it’s good enough for me.  Besides it just seems the more natural spelling to represent the way I pronounce it, with that all-American “H” sound.

So here we have one of those most happy situations where we are both right, even though we disagree.  Of course, we absolutely agree that Hanukkah, or Chanukah (if you prefer) is a perfectly wonderful holiday with special meaning to us that we love celebrating together.

He says "Chanukah" and I say "Hanukkah" but we're keeping the whole thing on.   

You Can't Always Get You Want, or Need

Tab·let [tab-lit] noun….
6.  Also called tablet computer, tablet PC. a small, thin, portable computer having an LCD screen onto which data can be input with a stylus or the fingertips.
                                                                                                         -dictionary.com

So my husband and I decided that we wanted Tablets – with a capital “T”- for Christmas.  

I am not exactly a technological expert, but I felt cautiously optimistic that we might be able to make informed decisions and smart purchases with proper research.  After all we are bright people, and we knew what we wanted our Tablets to do once we owned them. 

We read everything we could find on the various Tablets, all written in that computer geek language that I don’t quite comprehend.  We spoke with friends who owned them and professionals who sold them.  We thought we knew what we wanted, so we headed off to the electronics retail giant where we typically buy our electronics, in mid-November to avoid the Christmas rush on these devices.  We’ll call the company “Top Purchase” for the purposes of this blog (the name has been changed to protect the innocent – that would be me).

We were assisted at Top Purchase that day by Donis and Dave, two exceptionally knowledgeable, helpful and pleasant young sales associates whose combined ages would probably still make them young enough to be my son.  We were ready to buy our devices when Dave started speaking in tongues of internet access issues.  Then Donis pointed out to me that my needs might be better served by an entirely different device than the one I was about to buy.  We left the store that day empty-handed.

Now after all of that, what I absolutely needed in a Tablet boiled down to two things.  I wanted an external keypad and internal access to the Internet – that is, a 3G device.  Conveniently, Top Purchase sent me an e-mail advertisement for an online sale for an I-Pad, 32 gb, 3G, which is exactly what I wanted. 

However, after receiving it, when I tried to add this Tablet to my Verizon plan, I couldn't because it turns out that they sent me an earlier version of the model of this device that had only WiFi access, and no 3G.

I choose to assume that this was accidental as I really would hate to think that Top Purchase purposely tried to unload an older version of the device on me hoping that I wouldn't notice and keep it anyway at the higher price I paid for the 3G version.  I called Top Purchase, talked to a machine and then to a person who accidentally disconnected me before putting me through to the person who could help me.  Of course, Freud said there are no accidents.

I called back and did get through to the right person eventually, after sitting on hold for several minutes.

“So my agent tells me that you received your order and you no longer want the item and would like to return it,” chirped the customer service representative.

“Not exactly,” I corrected her.  “I received an older version of what I ordered.  I would very much like to receive what I actually ordered.”

“No problem, ma’am,”  she chirped, “ We will send you a shipping label by e-mail and when you return the item then we will ship the other one to you, presuming that it is in stock.”

“Well, I ordered this item as a Christmas present, on November 21^st,”  I clarified, “and because of Top Purchase’s error it is now December 8^th and I will certainly not receive it in time if we do that.”

 

“Alright, ma'am,” the rep said, a little more tersely,  “we will send you the correct item immediately.”

“Well, actually, what I would like to do is return this item and pick up the correct item from one of my local stores,” I said, “ which I know must be possible since Top Purchase promotes same-day store deliveries for online purchases.”

She verified that this was possible and put me on hold. Several minutes later, she returned to the line.

“There is a problem,” she said, “that item is out of stock both here and in all your local stores.  We will have to wait until another shipment comes in.”

“Can you reserve one for me when the next shipment comes in at my local store so I can pick it up?”

Oh, that was not possible. Tablets were in high demand this close to the holiday, surely I understood that, she said.  Well yes I did understand that – that is why I ordered mine in November.

“So, let's review,” I said, “Top Purchase sent me the wrong version of an item that I ordered in November, and now can’t provide me with the correct product which is supposed to be a Christmas present, and can’t tell me when it might come in and it is already December 8^th.  What do you plan to do about this?”

There was a moment of silence on the other end of the line.

“We will refund the money to your account immediately,” the rep said sullenly, “and we will send you this in an e-mail, along with the return label for the product you received.”

And they did.  At the same time, I received an e-mail from Top Purchase announcing that the very device I had tried to order was now on sale for $100 less than the price I had paid.  Of course, it wasn’t available online or at any of the stores within a 50-mile radius of my house.  Now, that's ironic. 

Ain't We Got Fun?

Ev'ry morning, ev'ry evening…
In the Winter in the Summer...
Hot or cold days, any old days...
In the meantime…in between time…
Aint we got fun?
                  -Richard A. Whiting, Gus Kahn, Ray Egan

My husband and I just celebrated our ninth wedding anniversary, and when it comes to our marriage every day is worthy of celebration.  He is the love of my life and my best friend.  We care for each other and support each other unconditionally.

But, just as important is the fact that we amuse each other.

For some reason, my husband decided to befriend me when I was going through three of the top five stressful life events that the Holmes and Rahe stress scale say can contribute to illness, all at the same time.  He was so great during this period that I kept expecting a halo to appear around his head while he proclaimed, "I am an angel, sent by God, to tell you that He loves you."  

But most miraculous of all, during this overwhelmingly stressful time, he could make me laugh.

We soon came to realize that we had a LOT of fun together.  All the time. Everywhere.  We can have as much fun at the grocery store as we have on vacation, and sitting around the house together is the source of much merriment to us.  We followed our bliss right into marriage.

When we were getting married, one of my friends was wishing me well, when she paused, thought for a minute, and then said, knowingly, “You will never be bored.”  It sounded a little like an ancient curse when she said it, but she was absolutely right.  We have never been bored, not for one minute.

Last week when we were celebrating our ninth anniversary with 100 or so of our best Friends (thanks to Facebook), someone said, “You too must have SO much fun together, ALL the time.”  Why yes, yes we do.  Even after nine years of marriage, we are having fun together every day.

It’s not that there haven’t been challenges - we have seen more than our fair share in these past nine years.  It’s life, you know, and things happen.  But we have a great gift of seeing the humor in life’s moments, both good and bad, and finding the joy in each other, in “us.” 

We’re laughing all the way.

Little Peppermint Candies (and Other Blessings)

There are almost no words to express how blessed we have been this year, for which we are truly grateful.  I say “almost” because I always have words, of course.  However, as another Thanksgiving comes to an end, I thought I’d like to express my thanks for some of the smaller pleasures of the holiday as well:

Verizon Stores on Every Street Corner.  Like Starbucks and McDonald's, Verizon stores now grace every village in America.   This was fortuitous when my husband dropped his cell phone upon arriving at his parents’ house and shattered the screen.  The nearest Verizon store was practically within walking distance of my in-laws’ house.

On-the-Scene Reporting from Black Friday.  Mind you I wouldn't be caught dead shopping after midnight at any retail store on Black Friday (preferring as we do to spend the day in New York City, which is at least as crazy).  But thanks to Richard, my son’s childhood friend who is kind enough to let me be his Facebook Friend, I enjoyed wildly entertaining posts of his annual Black Friday shopping trip with his mother, complete with photos.

Little Peppermint Candies – When I returned from the restroom after lunch at Bubba Gump's Shrimp Market in Times Square, my face lit up and I actually squealed with excitement upon finding a whole handful of peppermint candies at my place setting.  I didn't even mind when my husband and son told me I had missed the Forrest Gump quiz the waiter gave them in my absence.   I don't actually like that movie, but this restaurant inspired by it is just dandy.

Our Dodge Caravan – This van has seen a lot of living in seven years, with its dings, scratches, and an electronic door on the right hand passenger side that's been broken for longer than it was functional.  However, it can hold lots of stuff (the reason we bought it in the first place) and seats six or seven people, which I appreciated again as we were traveling to Thanksgiving dinner with five people on board (and room to spare).

My Knees – Just like Pittsburgh, New York has lots of unavoidable steps. There were long flights of steps at the restaurant and the theater, and let me tell you that wild horses couldn't have kept me from the restrooms on the second floor of the McDonald’s after that extra-large cup of coffee I drank on the way into the city. But this time I navigated the steps without incident – my knees took a lickin' but kept on tickin'.

Third Generation Family Members – It is always a delight to catch up with “the kids”, who are all in their 20's and doing exciting things with their careers and starting relationships these days.  But they are also savvy users of technology who are happy to share their expertise with their older, slower relatives.  A heartfelt thanks to my young cousin Sarah for showing me how to upload pictures from my camera to Facebook, which I managed to do all by myself later (with only a little sweat and tears).

Words with Friends Bingos This actually falls into the “Thanksgiving miracle” category, but I used all the letters in my hand TWICE for a total of 153 points in a recent Words game with Scott, my most formidable Words opponent, and…wait for it…actually WON the game by a healthy 85 points!  I did not believe that I won until I saw the final score with my own eyes because Scott, who is a charming person in real life, has a way of coming from behind to win in the rare instances where he is not winning the game all along. 

It ain't over till it's over, and trust me, when I won, you probably heard this fat lady sing wherever you were. 

Steppin' Aht

It was date night in Pittsburgh.  My husband and I were going to have dinner and see a show downtown.

I had gotten a little ambitious on the elliptical treadmill at the Y the day before the show and so my poor old arthritic knees were feeling a little vulnerable. I figured that I would just wear my best black sneakers for the show and avoid steps. I thought that I should be able to do this and be just fine.

But the city had other ideas.  I encountered my first unavoidable flight of stairs in the parking garage.  The elevator wasn't working so I had to take the stairs.  Eight flights down.  Even leading with my bad leg, my knees were not happy with me.

I met my husband for dinner at the “Taste of Dahntahn.” I had never been there before.  Earlier, my husband (not a Pittsburgh native) helpfully started to spell it for me so I could check out the menu online, but I stopped him.  Please!  I am Swissvale born-and-raised –I KNOW how to spell “dahntahn.”

At the restaurant they sat us at a high top table, which made it necessary to either dangle my legs, or tuck them back to rest on a narrow ledge.  Neither a good option for my gently aching knees.  We asked if we could have one of the nearby booths instead, and they explained that those were reserved for 3 and 4 tops, especially before a show.  They did however give us a two-person table (on the floor) in an adjacent room just as soon as one was cleared off, where we were seated next to two “four-tops” which were populated by two people each.

For a full review of the restaurant you might want to check out my husband’s review on Yelp! http://www.yelp.com/biz/taste-of-dahntahn-pittsburgh#hrid:qy4zKZbNGFn9oAJb7otx_g   Just suffice it to say that after having some of the best salad and worst service I've ever had in a restaurant, I headed for the restroom. This turned out to be down a very long flight of steps, which were, for reasons entirely unrelated to my knees, also unavoidable.  My knees were really starting to complain after I went down and back up those steps.

So then we were off to the theater.  I barely have words to describe War Horse, and what an achievement took place on stage that evening.  Let’s just say that the show takes puppetry to a new level, and the overall experience was exhilarating. I almost forgot about my knees. 

Ah, but during intermission my knee gave out with all the old, familiar, pain.  Okay, Pittsburgh Steps, I thought, I give up!  You win.

There were a few more flights to navigate to leave the theater, but I finally escaped the city, and its mad plot to destroy my left knee.

The Steps of Pittsburgh may have taken that night.  However, my daily knee exercises coupled with my chiropractic visits means that my knee was healthy, relatively pain-free and fully functional again on the very next day. Changing to the cycling machine at the gym for the next few days meant I could keep up my exercise routine without further compromising my knee. The Steps may have won that battle, but I’m winning the war.  

The Tommy Awards

Oh, so many questions with no clear answers.

If the producers of Dancing with the Stars had to have an all-star season, wouldn't it have been more compelling to feature fan favorites, runners up, and legitimate contestants who had never won the coveted mirror ball trophy (instead of nearly half of the contestants being past winners)?  And if every returning contestant couldn't dance with his or her original partner, shouldn't they all have had new partners for the season?

Perhaps the DWTS powers-that-be would have been better off to have had one entertaining awards show to pay recognition to some special achievements (both good and bad) by DWTS contestants, instead of a whole all-star season.  They could call them the Tommy Awards (or the “Tommies”) after DWTS Emmy-award-winning host Tom Bergeron.

Maybe I could get them started. And the Tommies go to….

Best-in-Show Celebrity Contestant

Donny Osmond , the oldest celebrity to win DWTS, was the perfect contestant.  He was a very good dancer and he took the dancing seriously, but did not take himself seriously.  He is one of the nicest and most likable celebrities ever, and not just on the show.  He simply couldn’t lose.

Worst Dancer Ever (TIE)

Master P has the distinction of receiving an 8 out of a possible 30 on one of his dances, the lowest total judges’ score in the history of the show.  And the judges were being generous.

Kate Gosselin, an abysmal dancer, managed to infuriate Tony Dovolani, a typically unflappable and endlessly patient pro partner, so much that he stormed out of one rehearsal in disgust.

Lasted Too Long Awards

Bristol Palin only edges out Jerry Springer, Cloris Leachman and Billy Ray Cyrus in this category because she stayed longer than they did (she was a finalist who came in third).

Least Sympathetic Contestant with a Disability

Former wife of Paul McCartney, Heather Mills is an amputee who was dancing with one prosthetic leg.  She constantly complained about how this made dancing so difficult.  Please, Heather, tell it to Oscar Pistorius, the double amputee who was an Olympian sprint runner.

Best Pairing of Celebrity and Pro Dancer

I have no idea who ever thought to put Kirstie Alley & Maksim Chmerkovskiy together.  Frankly, I thought it was a disaster waiting to happen.  Kirstie is quirky and outspoken, and Maks can be impatient and overbearing.  Somehow, these two are perfect together – veritable BFFs.

Best On-Air Use of a Former Contestant

A sportscaster who was justifiably the first dancer to leave in his season, Kenny Mayne now returns regularly to the show to host the highly entertaining “Dance Center” (a parody of “Sports Center”).

They Were Robbed Awards

In a crowded field of dancers who were voted off before they deserved to go, Sabrina Bryan is the hands-down winner, because she went too soon TWICE – once in her original season and again as an All Star.  Runners up include Stacy Keibler, Laila Ali, Gilles Marini , Mel B, William Levy, and Katherine Jenkins.

Worst Free-Style Dance

Marie Osmond came out dressed like a doll, and it went downhill from there.

Most Inspirational Contestant

War hero and burn victim J.R. Martinez became the most inspirational contestant just by showing up, but then went on to heighten the inspiration by winning his season.

Marlee Matlin was a close second.  She danced very well despite not be able to hear the music, and she did so without complaint. Are you listening to this, Heather?

Best Free Style Dance of All Time

In a tribute to Dirty Dancing and her late, great co-star, Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey came out in her outfit from the beginning of the movie, carrying a watermelon.  She proceeded to dance to “Do You Love Me?” from the show.  Way to choke me up and win the show, Jennifer.

Best Dancer Who Actually Won Their Season

Kristy Yamaguchi was perfection on the dance floor like she was perfection on skates, probably due to that stellar work ethic of hers that Scott Hamilton and Kurt Browning always talked about.

And so that concludes our first-ever Tommy Awards for achievement by Dancing with the Stars celebrity contestants.  Honestly, I don’t why the producers haven’t hired me as a writer yet.