You Can Call Me Ma'am

For years I have been listening to women express dismay and even OUTRAGE when some person who crosses their path refers to them as “ma’am.” Usually this is because they feel that they are much too young to be called “ma’am” no matter how old they actually are. 

Face it, women over the age of 18, you may occasionally, if you are lucky, be respectfully addressed as “Ma’am.”  Get over it.  What would you like the cashier at the supermarket to call you?  “Hey, You?” “Lady?” “You b*#ch?”

I never gave it a moment’s thought when someone called me “ma’am,” even before I became eligible for an AARP card.  However, some recent forays into the murky waters of social media comments sections has made me appreciate this polite and respectful address even more.

You see, I dared to express my respectful, positive support for my preferred candidate during the Presidential primaries on a public Facebook page or two that supported that candidate.  I did not mention her opponent at all.  I was bombarded with insulting, antagonistic, hostile, and downright vicious responses attacking me personally for having the audacity to openly support my candidate.

They called me every name in the book. I was called more derogatory names in one day than I had  in the rest of my long, long life.  I was called “pissy,” misinformed, a witch, a bitch, evil, ignorant and stupid, to name a few. I was called “condescending” because I suggested that they stop attacking me and my candidate and tell me why I should support theirs.  I was schooled that they would not stoop to defend their candidate, only to attack mine.  I got a couple of personal, hateful messages.

Then there were the threats.  I was told that if I did not come over to their side and vote for their candidate, that I would “face adversity the likes of which [I] had never seen before.”  This person had no idea the trouble I’ve seen.  I was told that if I voted for my candidate, that we would lose a whole generation of young people to the Democratic process.  I doubted that, but if so, good riddance, because at the end of the day I had the right and in fact the responsibility to vote for the person I thought would make the best president of the United States.  I was told that God hates me, that I was going to hell, and that I should just leave the country now.

Well.  That all seemed a little harsh to me especially coming primarily from people calling themselves liberals.  I blocked 22 of these people, including anyone who presumed to contact me personally.  But then, one of the commenters said something that really caught my attention. 

“You’re all the same,” he asserted, “Everyone who supports her are old bitter white boomers.” I was insulted.  I was NOT bitter! That came later. I decided to engage this person in a conversation.  I told him that he was sounding a bit ageist, and that my opinion and decision was based on years of following my candidate and her record as a public servant. 

He told me that I had lived my life so I didn’t have to worry about the future but he had years ahead of him.  No, seriously, he really said that.
I explained that I was a working person who would be in the workforce at the very least another 10 years (but probably longer) and that based upon my parents’ longevity, I might be on this earth for another 20 or 30 years, and that I very much cared about the future of the world that my children and grandchildren would live in.

He said that I and all people of my generation and supporters of my candidate were self-centered, had no social conscience, and were just interested in making money.  When I was done laughing, I informed him that those of us who have spent our entire adult lives working in non-profit social service and arts organizations could not reasonably be accused of any of this. 

He told me that he knew he was “being an a*#hole but it was necessary to be an a#*hole to affect change.”  I told him that no, it was not, and that campaigning in a positive way for his candidate and continuing to engage in efforts to improve the lives of people was the real way to affect change.

And this was all in the primaries over two candidates who were similar ideologically.  However the name calling continued, between and among the candidates and their supporters all the way through the election. It isn’t constructive or productive, it distracts from the issues, and it tends to alienate and divide those who disagree.

If you just can’t help yourself and must disagree with me in the comments section of this blog try to refrain from name calling, unless you call me “Ma’am.”