A Trial Separation

It was all going so well.  We'd been so good together for a such a long time and it was a win-win for both of us.

Not that it wasn't hard work, but what worthwhile relationship isn't?  It's about give and take.  We'd even got professional help from two different sources to assure that we remained productive in the relationship.

Suddenly without warning, we were at an impasse.  I tried to keep up my end of the bargain and even went the extra mile, but I couldn't just keep giving and giving without getting something in return.

One day early in December, I had had enough.  I just couldn't keep up the charade any longer.

After 18 months, a 40-pound weight loss, and a four month "plateau" of maintaining my weight even after I joined a gym and added regular cardio workouts to my routine (yes, I literally went the extra mile), I decided that my diet and I had to take a break.  Yes, I was, for the time being, going to stop counting calories.

It was going to be a trial separation.  I knew that it was inevitable that I would cheat on my diet during December, also commonly known in our house as The Month of Holidays.  I didn't want to have to sneak around, having clandestine meetings with the holiday goodies.  It was better this way.

I told myself that I wasn't going to "go crazy."  I swore that I would continue to be mindful of what I ate and to make wise healthy nutritional choices.

And it really did start off well. I had a little sour cream with my latkes during our Hanukkah dinner, along with my husband's to-die-for, very healthy homemade apple sauce.  I bought a little tiny burnt almond birthday cake for my husband from Giant Eagle  so we each had a piece after dinner, with just one extra piece for each of us to enjoy the next day.

Then I slowly began to succumb to the seductive food all around me.  When we went to Casbah for my husband's birthday, I very coincidentally had a very healthy low calorie meal just because I happen to like broiled seafood.  So for dessert I brashly chose perhaps the most decadent dessert on the menu - the triple chocolate cheesecake.  I was sick I was so full after that dinner.

And so it went. The candy my co-workers handed out as Christmas presents.  The lasagne and the "real" cookies and the cupcakes and the candy in the stockings and oh-so-many leftovers to fill my days during my Christmas break. I ate it all.

I learned things about myself during this estrangement. For instance, I realized (and I'm not bragging here) that I can gain weight twice as quickly as I can lose it.

I decided to give my diet another chance on January 3rd.  We fell back into our routine and I feel like we might have a future together after all. The pounds have begun to come back off, but the jury is out until I actually break the barrier and weigh less than I did last September.

I know I've always said that it's not all about the weight, but it is partially about the weight.