Drive Me to the Moon

Well, we just got back from my very first cruise, and it was everything I had hoped it would be and more.

But first we had to get there.

I don’t fly often.  First of all, it is more expensive than other forms of transportation and it has just become such a hassle.  The enhanced security checks….the strict rule about liquids that you can transport….the checked luggage charges….the flight delays….the fact that they can’t even spare a small bag of peanuts for you anymore on the flight…. And I KNOW it seems minor, but I absolutely hate taking my shoes off to get through security.

However, the ship was leaving from Miami, so we had to fly.  We weren’t able to fly down a day early, so we arrived at the airport at about 5:15 a.m. in plenty of time for our 7:30 a.m. flight.  There were no direct flights, so we would be changing planes in Philadelphia.  We were scheduled to arrive in Miami a little after 1 p.m. in plenty of time to get to the ship, which was scheduled to sail at 4 p.m.

We were sitting in the plane on the runway when we were notified that because of a thunderstorm in Philadelphia, we were now anticipating a 45-minute delay.  We did some quick figuring.  Yep.  This would mean that we would miss our connecting flight in Philly, if it were on time.  My husband called the airline who said that they had a flight going to Charlotte about 15 minutes later than our scheduled flight, and then we could take a flight from there to Miami.  It would get us into Miami at 3:15 p.m.

There was a very real possibility that we might miss the ship for our long-awaited and highly-anticipated cruise.  My husband called the cruise line.  They would have someone waiting for us at the gate, whenever we arrived.  If we missed the ship, we could catch up with them the next day in Key West, with close to $1000 of extra expense, including $600 in U.S. government fines, the hotel room and the rental car.

When we arrived in Philly, there was an outside chance we might make the original connecting flight.  We ran for the next gate – which was two terminals away.  I should mention here that I can’t run.  I can walk briskly for miles, but can’t run for more than a block without becoming very winded– and I have been this way since I was a kid.  We made it to the gate with 10 minutes to spare.  But the runway was “locked” and they wouldn’t let us on the plane.

We had about 15 minutes before the flight to Charlotte – our last chance to make it to Miami on time- boarded.  It was several gates away at the opposite end of the terminal.  My husband took off ahead of me and I “ran” as fast as I could.  We made the flight, but I was not doing well when we got there.  I felt like what I imagined people who had just run a marathon feel like.  I couldn’t catch my breath, my chest felt heavy, and I couldn’t stop coughing, or weeping from the pain.  It took me several minutes to recover.

Luckily, there was an angel disguised as a flight attendant on that flight.  She asked another passenger to change seats so that my husband and I could sit together, saying that I needed to be able to be comforted by him.  She arranged for us to “gate check” our carry-on luggage as the plane was full but she knew that we could not wait for our luggage at the next gate.  She gave us sympathy and encouraging pep talks, and said how someday this would just be an interesting story to tell from the trip.
  

We arrived in Miami a little after 3 p.m. and were greeted by a rep from the cruise line.  Once in the competent and steady hands of cruise ship personnel we were fine.  Our very happy Jamaican bus driver told us that this happened “all the time.”  Then he laughed, which is how he punctuated every sentence. We boarded the ship at about 3:45 p.m.

So, in the end, we made the cruise, but it reminded us of everything we hate about flying.  We realized that we would rather spend a day driving than flying.  We always have a great time when we drive.  We take turns behind the wheel.  We talk and sing.  The seats in the Caravan are roomy, comfortable and adjustable.   We stop whenever we want for food and rest rooms. We have some level of control over our trip.

We are already thinking about our next cruise, and only one thing is certain.  The departure port will be within driving distance of our house.

Skewing Old

I live a rich, full life.  I work full time.  I write a weekly blog.  I sing in a choir.  I perform in a musical theater production at least once a year.  I usher for the Pittsburgh Public Theatre and go to shows all the time.  I like to eat out.  I have a smartphone and a laptop computer, and I am beginning to think about getting a tablet (and I mean an electronic device when I say that, not several sheets of lined paper on a piece of cardboard).  I have 466 Friends on Facebook (who range in age from 10 to 85), and I have Twitter and Linked In accounts.

You know what else I like to do?  Watch TV.  Actually, I LOVE to watch TV, and always have. There is nothing that makes me happier than the chance to spend an evening at home watching TV.

  

I was between the ages of 18 and 49 for a while and those were some tough years for me financially.  I went from being a near-penniless college student who had rely on my parents (who were in their 50’s) for money to being a recent college graduate with a low paying job in my field (who sometimes skipped meals to make ends meet) to being a married person who didn’t make a lot of money with a growing son who needed to be fed and clothed, to being a recently divorced person in her mid-40’s who was more broke than she had ever been in the past, to being a newly remarried person with a son in college (and that cost money).

Now I am in my 50’s.  Finally, I have a little breathing room in my finances; I can actually make the occasional purchase just because I want to buy something. I actually have money to spend at my discretion.  Oh, I think I forgot to mention that I also like to shop.

I’m pretty sure my story isn’t all that unique- lots of people pretty much experience this same scenario.  So, can someone please explain to me why the TV advertising industry reveres that 18 to 49 demographic so much when people in their 50’s have so much more money to spend on whatever they want to spend it on?

I find it hard enough to understand why a network would cancel a modestly successful show that “skews old.”  But Harry's Law is a show with nearly 9 million viewers on NBC, which is a struggling network right now. It is their second highest rated serial drama.  Were they grateful for the rare hit show, starring the incomparable Academy Award winning Kathy Bates? No, actually they cancelled the show, because, sadly, most of those viewers were over the age of 49. 

They said advertisers didn’t want to pay much to advertise on the show.  They couldn’t be creative and target some companies that sell products to the over-50 crowd?  Yet, they are keeping shows with half as many viewers because those viewers are between 18 and 49, who have less disposable income and who are more likely to watch TV shows in a way that don’t include commercials than their “elders.”  And the TV industry wonders why it is struggling.

Seriously, this feels like age discrimination to me. I’m no longer desirable to advertisers simply because of my age, because there is no other reason that possibly makes sense.

All I know is I am really going to miss Harry’s Law, and so will 8.9 million people like me.   

The Rack of the Misfit Clothes

I swear I was only walking through Macy’s because I had parked my car in their garage when I needed to attend a meeting downtown.  I honestly never meant to stop.

So, I walked through the shoe department, pass the clothes and I was almost through the Clearance section when I saw it.  The rack that was marked “85% off.”

Now the “85% off” rack is a tricky place to look for clothes.  The clearance racks are full of off-season clothes, odd sizes, and clothes that just aren’t that pretty, but you can often find some great clothes at ridiculous prices, even if you might not be able to wear what you buy for six or seven months.

 

But the clothes that find their way to the “85% off” rack are like clothing versions of the toys on Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’s Island of Misfit Toys.  Like Charlie-in-the-Box, or the Cowboy who rides an ostrich, they’re just a little bit different in a way that might make them undesirable, which is why no one bought them in the first place.  It is The Rack of the Misfit Clothes.

I couldn’t resist just taking a look.  I walked towards the rack. Then I saw it.  It was hanging, right on the end of the rack, facing out, like a beacon beckoning to me.  I’d been thinking about getting something like it for months.  It was a beautiful red winter jacket with black buttons, and the only one like it on the rack.  It had my name written all over it.

I moved closer and picked it up.  Oh.  I realized that I wasn’t in the Plus Size department, and it was only a "regular" X-Large.  Might this be the end of a beautiful relationship, before it even began?  I wasn’t willing to give up on this particular dream just yet.

I tried the beautiful red coat on.  It slipped on, it buttoned – it fit!  I couldn’t believe it.  I decided to double check with a professional.

“Hey – this actually fits, doesn’t it?” I asked the nearby saleswoman.

“Um, yes, it does,” she answered, pleasantly.

“And it is really 85% off?  It’s not on the wrong rack?”  I asked.

We verified the price.  $15.57.    It was settled. I announced that I would be buying the coat.

“There are a lot more coats on sale upstairs,” the salesperson offered helpfully.

I didn’t want any other coat.  This coat was coming home with me.

When we got to the register, another salesperson joined us. 

“Wow!  This is a really nice coat, but wait- is it a Spring coat?” she said.

“I told her there were more coats upstairs,” the first saleslady defended herself.

“Ladies, you don’t seem to understand,” I clarified, “this is the coat that I want – this coat and I were made for each other.”

I knew before I left the store that the jacket was made of some sort of extra-heavy fleece-like material, so it looked like a winter jacket but was probably more appropriate for temperatures in the 30’s or 40’s than the teens. And when I got it home I realized that the sleeves were about 6 inches too long.  Obviously the designers were using an orangutan for a model.  But this was not really a problem, because my limited sewing skills do include hemming sleeves.

So, in the end, my new beautiful winter(ish) jacket was more like a “Dolly for Sue” –the seemingly normal doll on the Island of Misfit Toys.  It just needed to find a home with someone who loved it.

What to Wear to Work

There it was – right below the time and place on the invitation for the work-related anniversary reception.  “Business Cocktail Attire Preferred.”

What in the world was that?  These two types of attire are very different…or so I thought.  In my mind, I think of “business attire” as a business suit or, you know, something with a blazer.  A cocktail dress is that really fancy dress that isn’t quite an evening gown that you buy for the fundraiser, and then it sits in your closet for years because you have nowhere else to wear it.  I would have thought that these two modes of dress couldn't have been further apart on the fashion spectrum. Oh, did this mean that I had missed the memo about the new business fashion trend again?  I just can’t keep up sometimes.

First there was the whole “business casual” thing.  That seemed like an oxymoron to me, too, when I first heard it.  Oh, it was all so simple once.  Business was business and casual was casual.  Then the line blurred.  “They” explained it to me.  Basically, it meant dressing somewhere between the business suit and the ratty blue jeans with your Led Zeppelin t-shirt.

Once I wrapped my head around it though, it was okay.  It meant that we could be more comfortable while we worked without necessarily looking like we were camping or painting the house. That isn’t a bad thing.

 

For me, it all comes down to the shoes.  Business casual dress at work means that I can dress to accommodate wearing sensible shoes all the time.  With age comes wisdom and arthritic knees, and the realization that looks are in the end secondary to function.  This means that the ultimate goal of wearing shoes is the ability to walk- with as few complications as possible.  Trust me, any podiatrist or arthritis doctor will basically recommend that you wear Level Three Fitness Sneakers all the time.

Level Three Fitness Sneakers look stupid with a dress, but if they’re black, you can pretty much get away with them with a nice pair of slacks, which is what I now wear most of the time.  I still like to wear skirts and dresses on occasion, and I have some acceptable semi-sensible-but-not-exactly beautiful-or-cutting-edge shoes for those occasions.  To risk dating myself, I have to say that I like to wear pantyhose with a skirt, even though it seems that they have fallen out of fashion favor, and are suddenly harder to find.

Now, when in doubt, I still like to err on the side of “business” over casual, and I think that dressing “up” a little in certain business settings can only gain you some respect.  My philosophy is that if you wear a nice blazer over almost anything, it looks more professional.

I thought I had it all figured out, and now they were throwing the “business cocktail attire” concept at me.  Did they mean you could wear either business OR cocktail attire?  Were they looking for some hybrid between business and cocktail attire?  If that were the case, what exactly would that look like?  

After rifling through my closet several times and trying on more than a few outfits, I settled on a dress with matching jacket that was not a business suit although I wore it on the job all the time.  It seemed to do the trick despite the sensible shoes.