I Don't Like to Complain, But...

Lots of people say they don’t like to complain but do it anyway. Complaining comes very naturally and it’s an art that anyone can master. It is a great American pastime, like barbecuing or baseball.


Complaining can also be therapeutic. Sometimes you just need to vent – to get something off your chest. People actually form clubs so that they can complain together about something that affects everyone in the group. They’re called “support groups.”

I’ll be the first to admit that I love to complain, in a non-offensive, constructive and humorous fashion, of course. Heck, I have devoted entire blogs to complaining about one thing or another. Like most people, I have some special little favorite complaints aka “pet peeves” that I hold close to my heart,  If you will indulge me for a moment:

1) Receiving the wrong order in a restaurant.  My husband and I routinely receive food that is wildly different than what we ordered, like Pork Medallions instead Barbecued Chicken Wings, or Beef Tortellini in place of Shrimp Primavera. It is hard to imagine how they could even make these magnificent errors, but sometimes it actually works out. I once received a Pomegranate Cosmopolitan in place of the Peach Daiquiri that I ordered that was absolutely delicious.

2) Hot Flashes- This perfectly natural part of life and the aging process feels like someone lit a bonfire inside your body every time it happens.

3) Snow – I loathe everything about snow, but especially trying to drive in it. I am filled with bitterness every time there is any significant snowfall. I rarely complain about any other kind of weather though because I figure that, well, at least it’s not snowing.

4) Newscasters who commentate - I flinch every time a reporter announces “Get this,” at the beginning of a news story. In my mind, good journalism requires impartiality. There should be no commentary in a news story – just the facts.

5) Plus Size Upcharges - First, manufacturers of wedding fashions cut their dresses smaller than other fashions. There seems to be no logical reason for this, other than to make brides-to-be and their wedding party members feel badly about themselves, but then you realize that these same manufacturers will charge you extra for a larger size. Gee, if they cut the dresses smaller, then they will be able to charge more people the discriminatory upcharge. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

6) Overly Familiar Store Clerks – I am a friendly and outgoing person, but unless I ask, I really don’t care whether the supermarket cashier likes the brand of pantyhose I use. It’s none of the bank teller’s business why I didn’t cash that check sooner. And, certainly, I am not interested in engaging in a long conversation with the teenaged bagger over his astonishment that the R.E.M. concert t-shirt I am wearing is actually mine because he just can’t believe that I am young or “with it” it enough to listen to R.E.M., despite the fact that the band members are my chronological contemporaries.

7) Pretentious Job Titles – There are no more secretaries in the workplace anymore, just “administrative assistants.” And the stewardesses who assisted us when we flew the friendly skies have been replaced by “flight attendants” (and, sadly, the skies are no longer so friendly). But things definitely got out-of-hand when the young man waiting on us in Max and Erma’s informed me, haughtily, that he was NOT a “server”- he preferred the term “facilitator.”

8) Diet Saboteurs – It’s hard enough to stay on a diet plan, without waitresses who cannot wrap their heads around the fact that you don’t want any potatoes with your omelet (“But, ma’am, it COMES with potatoes”), or a friend saying “Oh, you have to cheat sometimes.” while waving a piece of cake in your face.

9) “Stop and Chatters” These people will stop in the middle of the road and shout to each other from their cars, or they will stop in the middle of their work out and sit on the exercise machine at the gym to talk to a friend. They will do this even if you are sitting in your car behind them on the road, or waiting for the machine.

10) The Way Other People Drive Oh, I could write a whole blog about stupid drivers…wait. I already did, didn’t I?