How Can I Keep from Singing?

Everywhere I go I will keep a song in my heart
and usually there will be one on my lips as well…
I will sing loud and soft, high and low, for the rest of my life.
                                                   - Sharon “Rip” Ciraulo, age 16

When I was moving, I found a poem I had written when I was 16 called Dreams. It was about all the things I thought, as a child, that I might want to do or be when I grew up. At the end of the poem I wrote about how I planned to pursue each childhood dream in my lifetime.

One of my things-I-wanted-to-be-when-I-grew up was a singer. I wrote a stanza about each of my other aspirations, but I devoted two and half pages to singing.

It’s hard to put into words the joy I get from singing. I cannot remember a time that I didn’t love to sing. Singing is more than something I like to do. It is something I do automatically, like breathing. My time as a member of the Glee Club and the Folk Mass Group were some of my happiest high school memories.

After graduation, I stopped singing publicly, saving my performances for the listening pleasure of those who lived, socialized or worked with me. Let me tell you that some of them were happier about this than others, although “At the Gates of Heaven” (a great lullaby I learned in 5th grade) was always a pretty big crowd pleaser among babies and children I knew. I sang in the shower and I sang in my car, always preferring to listen to music with lyrics, so I could sing along. Bette Midler is one of my favorite singers, in part, because she and I sing in exactly the same key.

In 1998, I decided to audition for a production of The Music Man. I suddenly discovered that I was absolutely terrified to sing in public, especially in front of a director who was going to judge my ability and then decide whether or not I could be in the show. I discovered that I needed to work on a song with the accompaniment before being able to perform it, and that timing does not come easily to me. While I always did and probably always will get very nervous before an audition, I actually went through a period where I would literally choke when I auditioned – I would open my mouth and the song would get stuck in my throat.

As you can imagine, this led some people to believe that I wasn’t really much of a singer. I couldn’t accept that, so I worked at it. I was fortunate to take voice lessons with some exceptional teachers, and with some experience singing in the ensemble and with lots of practice, I improved. A few years ago, I auditioned for the Pittsburgh Concert Chorale, did NOT choke, and was accepted into the group. Singing with the choir has taught me even more about singing.

When I auditioned for our new choir director, she told me that I really was appropriately placed as a Second Soprano. Beyond just being able to comfortably sing the notes in that range, that is where my voice was at its richest and fullest. I had some higher notes and some lower notes, she explained, but my voice was best in the middle.

That’s all very true, but that hasn’t stopped me from singing First Soprano or Alto, because I never turn down an opportunity to sing. I have sung First Soprano in some shows when the musical director was desperate, but can only hit the highest notes when I am thoroughly warmed up and when the moon and the stars are aligned correctly.

I channeled my inner Alto to play my dream role of Mama Rose in Gypsy, singing eight songs that never went above a middle C, thanks to Ethel Merman. I discovered that I could belt if I had to, and that when I sing low it feels like a reverse falsetto – there is nothing natural about it.

So, it seems that my sixteen-year-old self was onto something. How can I keep from singing? The simple answer is- I can’t.