The All-the-Bacon-You-Can-Eat Diet

If you have formed the habit of checking on every new diet that comes along, you will find that, mercifully, they all blur together, leaving you with only one definite piece of information: french-fried potatoes are out.
-Jean Kerr

When I was in my twenties, I decided I needed to lose some weight, and so I joined Weight Watchers, which prescribes a healthy eating plan consisting of a balance of different foods, with reinforcement from weekly weigh-ins and meetings. If you follow the plan, it really works. I reached my goal weight in a little over a year and I learned some things about food that I never forgot – e.g. corn and potatoes are nutritionally the equivalent of bread, and bacon is a fat exchange. Stuff like that.

Several diets and many pounds lost and gained later, I just relaxed into being who I was at the weight that I was, and largely forgot about the fact that I was bigger than average and that it was supposed to interfere with every aspect of my existence. I gave up on weight loss diets entirely.

Even when I was no longer concerned about my weight, I remained interested in my health. I would, on and off, try to make healthier eating choices and exercise on a regular basis. None of this had any measurable effect on my only “real” health issues, my high blood pressure and elevated cholesterol levels, both conditions that run in my family. I can eat healthier, drastically reduce sodium, exercise regularly, and even lose weight without a positive effect on my blood pressure. The only thing that controls my blood pressure is daily medication.

Nonetheless, cockeyed optimist that I am, when my blood tests at the doctor’s revealed that I had very slightly elevated blood sugar and hemoglobin A 1 c levels, I decided to be proactive. I was going to try to avoid developing full-blown type 2 diabetes (another condition that runs in the family) by - you guessed it- going on a diet.

Okay, this time it would mean a low carbohydrate diet, a whole new dietary adventure for me. See, it’s not just about sugar. It also involves limiting all starches, which turn into sugar in your body. So, you have to limit sugar, potatoes, bread, and fruit. I decided to follow the American Diabetic Association’s recommendations for the number of carbs to consume in a day.

This diet hasn’t been that hard to follow. I am just limiting carbs, not eliminating them. I can have the sandwich or the fries, just not both. I can even have my cake (and eat it too!), if I skip the sandwich and the fries, choosing an entrée with a salad or vegetable instead. This has made me a little like Sally in “When Harry Met Sally” when ordering in a restaurant. “I’d like the omelette, but I don’t want any potatoes, and I’d like an English muffin in place of the toast.”

Limiting carbs has meant increasing my protein - I mean you have to eat something, right? I find myself choosing the eggs over the pastries for breakfast. If I crave a nosh and I can’t have a carb, I’ll have a piece of string cheese.

One day it dawned on me - I was eating bacon. I could, in fact, have all the bacon I wanted. Bacon was no longer just a strip of fat to be severely limited in my diet. It was now NOT A CARB! I can stock bacon to munch on as a snack, right next to the string cheese, if I so choose. I can also eat ham, and steak, and eggs. And, amazingly and remarkably, despite my increased bacon consumption, I was losing weight. Bacon and weight loss? Maybe I was onto something here.

I worried that there would be a down side. Would my cholesterol skyrocket? I mean, I was eating eggs and cheese and bacon in ways I hadn’t in years.

I returned to the doctor for my six month checkup. I had lost 15 pounds. My blood pressure had dropped lower than I ever remember it being at the doctor’s office (in 18 years). My overall cholesterol had decreased, my bad cholesterol was down and my good cholesterol up. How was my blood sugar, and my hemoglobin levels, you ask? The reason I did all this to begin with? My blood sugar had gone down a few points, but was still borderline high, and my hemoglobin was essentially the same.

Well, you can’t have everything. Pass the bacon, please and hold the toast!