Thank You, I Think

At Olive Garden the other day, the waitress came to our table with a huge bottle of wine in her hands and asked (as they are instructed), “Would you like to sample our wine this morning?”

“No, thank you,” I replied, pleasantly, “I would however like to sample your water.”

The waitress laughed at my remark, and when she left our table she said, “That is the best answer I've ever gotten to that question.”

Really?  Mine was the very best come-back to her company’s wine-related suggestive selling this fine young woman had ever heard? Well, this just made my day.  She laughed at my joke and paid me a compliment, all over the same remark.

I’ll tell you, there is nothing that puts me in a better mood than a good compliment.  It is so gratifying to feel appreciated, and I always remember kind words bestowed upon me by friends and strangers alike.  On the other hand, I never forget the slights and insults thrown my way either.  So to those of you who said mean things to me in the fifth grade– and you know who you are – I haven’t forgotten.

Trickier though are those remarks that sound like they might be compliments but upon deeper analysis might not really be as positive as they first seem to be.  You know the kind of backhanded compliments I’m talking about:

1)       “It sure was quiet around here without you.” 

Surely when your parents say this just a couple of hours after you get home from college for a weekend visit, it’s a good thing right?  But you can’t help remembering how they were always telling you to lower your voice when you were growing up.  Hmm, maybe they like it quiet.

2)       “You have an interesting face.”

What the hell does that mean?  “Interesting?”  Is that the only thing you can think of when trying to come up with an adjective to describe my visage?  Next thing you know you’ll be calling me a “handsome” woman.

3)       “That was a great role for you.”

If someone says this to me after seeing me perform in a play, they had better follow it up with “and you were absolutely fabulous in it!” or I am going to think that they just can’t think of anything nice to say about my performance.

4)       “Not just anyone can wear that color…”

“…and neither can you!”  That’s what they’re not saying.

5)      “You’re just like my wife!”

This one definitely was not a compliment when delivered by my colleague with whom I was in a serious disagreement, but I chose to take it that way.  His wife was a lovely women, not to mention patient and saintly for putting up with him all those years.

Actually that is my general philosophy when on the receiving end of these questionable statements and even some remarks clearly not meant as flattery.  I just assume that they are, in fact, compliments.  I mean, maybe when someone says my butt looks big in those pants it is a good thing.  After all, that approach works for Jennifer Lopez, doesn’t it?