Once a Catholic

A few months ago I attended a very fine production of "Doubt," John Patrick Shanley's Pulitzer Prize winning play about a nun and a priest caught in a conflict over events that may or not have happened.

While it was certainly thought-provoking, for me it was also a nostalgic period piece that provoked a flood of childhood memories. It was set in a Catholic school in the 60's, which is exactly where I spent my childhood.  The sisters in the play were Sisters of Charity, the same order who taught at St. Anselm's which I attended from kindergarten through 12th grade, so I recognized their bonnets.  And Sister Aloysius, the tough-as-nails, unyielding, humorless school principal?  I think I had her in the fifth grade.

But more telling was that every time the priest finished one of his on-stage sermons, I immediately felt the need to cross myself.  It was automatic.

The truth is that no matter how my faith or beliefs have evolved over the years, the fact that I attended a Catholic school has stayed with me in some very specific ways.  

I not only fight the urge to automatically cross myself after fictional sermons, I randomly cross myself in tough situations when I feel some divine intervention might be helpful.

I still say "Good morning, Sister" or "Good Afternoon, Father" when crossing the path of a priest or a nun on the street.

I still follow instructions to the letter due to the lessons of obedience taught me in school, which has served me well as an adult writing grant proposals in the workplace.

Whenever I have committed a misdeed, no matter how minor, I have this pressing need to confess it to someone before I can lose the crushing guilt that accompanies it.

Also, I have a pervasive aversion to uniforms, which I hated wearing in school.  I felt even then that my school uniform robbed me of my self expression and have avoided any profession requiring me to wear one as an adult. 

So I left the play with few conclusions about what took place in the play.  Was the priest guilty of misconduct?  I didn't think so but I couldn't be sure.  Was the nun on a witch hunt with no real proof to go on?  I thought so but I couldn't be certain.

However, there was one thing that was clear.  You can take the girl out of the Catholic school but you can't take the Catholic school out of the girl.  There's no Doubt about that.