Twas the Week Before Christmas (A Shopper's Tale)

Twas the week before Christmas, and all along McKnight Road

All the shoppers were scurrying, carrying many a load

The cars were lined up, crawling one by one

With drivers hoping all the shopping soon would be done

We were nestled all snug in our bed

With tablets and i-pads resting near our heads

Mr. Rip in his Scrooge hat and I in my cap

Had just settled in for a long winter's nap

When into my brain there arose such a clatter

I sprang from my bed to take care of the matter

Away to Windows I flew in a flash

Tore open the app and got ready my cash

The moon on the glow of the computer screen

Gave a luster to that one last present I'd seen

But what my weary eyes saw gave me fear

The perfect gift was on back order until early next year!

For a little old lady not so lively or quick

I knew in a moment I had one more present to pick

More rapid than eagles I jumped in my car,

I whistled and shouted and hit stores near and far

Now Target! Now Macy's! Now Barnes and Noble!

On Brookstone!  On Penny's! On stores that are global!

To the top of the county! To Ross Park Mall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!

As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly

When I meet with an obstacle I mount to the sky

So from store to kiosk to strip mall I flew

And found the right gift and some stocking stuffers too!

Then in a twinkling I was back at my house

Prancing and dancing with my loving spouse

I drew in my head, and turned around

And looked at the chimney, where my presents were bound

It was bedecked by a Christmas tree and poinsettia to boot

and a fake fireplace, so no ashes or soot

Bundles of gifts came through the mail to unpack

Some still to be wrapped, others ready to stack

Our eyes how they twinkled, we were so merry

Our cheeks were like roses, we got a little teary

Our droll little mouths drew up like bows

When all we needed were groceries with three days to go

So we stumped off to Giant Eagle, with smiles full of teeth

Where we found all sorts of fish ready for a Christmas Eve feast

Shrimp and smelts and anchovies would soon fill our bellies

And pasta and ham and desserts sweet like jellies

We'd be chubby and plump, right jolly old elves

And we laughed when we thought of it, in spite of ourselves

With a wink of my eye and a twist of my head

Soon gave me to know I had no more shopping to dread

I talked non-stop, but went straight to my work

And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk

Feeling all happy right down to my toes

I placed by the chimney all the gifts that I chose

I sprang to my couch, waiting for the tea kettle to whistle

And away my shopping list flew like the down of a thistle

But to you I exclaim as I wait for my family to alight

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!