The Rainbow Connection

We have lost some people who are particularly dear to us this year.  My sister's mother-in-law, my father's lady friend, and two of our closest friends all passed away this year.  

Our friends Jeff and Pat were gone far too soon, taken from us in the middle of their lives.  While they did not know each other, they died within 24 hours of one another and we learned of their deaths in the space of an hour.  While it's been several months since that fateful day, I'm still struggling to make sense of the fact that these two lovely people are no longer in this world with us.

Then there was Laura.  I never met Laura, but her sister Janet and brother-in-law Keith are friends and former co-workers of mine.  Laura was diagnosed with cervical cancer in February of 2009 at the age of 34, and beat it through rigorous chemotherapy and radiation treatments.  In February 2013 her doctors discovered that her cancer had returned, and that the tumor had collapsed her lung.  She resumed her fight with the same determination that she did the first time around.

As I followed her journey through Janet's and Keith's posts,  I could see that Laura possessed a remarkable lively spirit symbolized by the rainbows that she loved so much.  She embraced life even as she fought for it, surrounded by the unwavering support of her extraordinary family and friends who called themselves the Team Laura Rainbow Warriors.  There were 526 Warriors on their Facebook page.  I was especially struck by the fact that Laura was always smiling, in every picture, no matter what she was enduring at the time.

On November 15, Laura lost her battle, surrounded by her loving family.  She was 37.  I wept when I read this although we had never met.  Laura had instructed her loved ones not to wear black to her funeral;  rather she wanted them to wear colorful clothing as she had to celebrate her life.  On the day of the funeral this rainbow appeared in the sky:

Clearly, Laura was sending some rainbow love back to her Warriors.  

A few weeks later as I was driving on the turnpike to join our family for Thanksgiving in New Jersey, the sun shining on the CDs that sit on the visor created a rainbow on the dashboard. I immediately thought of Laura.  I remembered that our loved ones stay with us, even after they depart this world.

My good friend Debbie, who passed away about seven years ago, is with me whenever I commit or witness a random act of kindness.  Debbie faced a number of challenges in her life and she took what she learned to help others and make the world a better place.  When she died, she asked her beloved husband to share the following with all of us she left behind:

Please do not conduct a Memorial Service. Instead, please remember me by committing a "random act of kindness" for someone in need and asking others who cared  for me to do the same. Thank you for all your love and support during my illness and God bless you all.  Be good to yourself and help others along the way.  Goodbye for now ......Love Debbie

Jeff is with me every time I write this blog because the title "Rip Aches All Over" was his.  As a  parody of my original column title, it was a product of his wit, that sense of humor of his that I loved sharing with him so much.  I can almost feel his appreciation of some of the humor in my blog, and I can still hear his hearty one-of-a-kind laugh in my head.  

Pat lives on in this perfect home of ours.  Pat was a generous woman who took good great care of her own family, and used her talent as a real estate agent to find the perfect homes for many people, including us.  Without her loving assistance, we might not be enjoying this wonderful home of ours today.

So, Laura lives on in rainbows, Debbie in kindnesses, Jeff in my laughter, and Pat in my home. We all have the capacity to live a life that leaves a mark on those who loved us, and sometimes on people we don't even know.

Twas the Week Before Christmas (A Shopper's Tale)

Twas the week before Christmas, and all along McKnight Road

All the shoppers were scurrying, carrying many a load

The cars were lined up, crawling one by one

With drivers hoping all the shopping soon would be done

We were nestled all snug in our bed

With tablets and i-pads resting near our heads

Mr. Rip in his Scrooge hat and I in my cap

Had just settled in for a long winter's nap

When into my brain there arose such a clatter

I sprang from my bed to take care of the matter

Away to Windows I flew in a flash

Tore open the app and got ready my cash

The moon on the glow of the computer screen

Gave a luster to that one last present I'd seen

But what my weary eyes saw gave me fear

The perfect gift was on back order until early next year!

For a little old lady not so lively or quick

I knew in a moment I had one more present to pick

More rapid than eagles I jumped in my car,

I whistled and shouted and hit stores near and far

Now Target! Now Macy's! Now Barnes and Noble!

On Brookstone!  On Penny's! On stores that are global!

To the top of the county! To Ross Park Mall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!

As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly

When I meet with an obstacle I mount to the sky

So from store to kiosk to strip mall I flew

And found the right gift and some stocking stuffers too!

Then in a twinkling I was back at my house

Prancing and dancing with my loving spouse

I drew in my head, and turned around

And looked at the chimney, where my presents were bound

It was bedecked by a Christmas tree and poinsettia to boot

and a fake fireplace, so no ashes or soot

Bundles of gifts came through the mail to unpack

Some still to be wrapped, others ready to stack

Our eyes how they twinkled, we were so merry

Our cheeks were like roses, we got a little teary

Our droll little mouths drew up like bows

When all we needed were groceries with three days to go

So we stumped off to Giant Eagle, with smiles full of teeth

Where we found all sorts of fish ready for a Christmas Eve feast

Shrimp and smelts and anchovies would soon fill our bellies

And pasta and ham and desserts sweet like jellies

We'd be chubby and plump, right jolly old elves

And we laughed when we thought of it, in spite of ourselves

With a wink of my eye and a twist of my head

Soon gave me to know I had no more shopping to dread

I talked non-stop, but went straight to my work

And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk

Feeling all happy right down to my toes

I placed by the chimney all the gifts that I chose

I sprang to my couch, waiting for the tea kettle to whistle

And away my shopping list flew like the down of a thistle

But to you I exclaim as I wait for my family to alight

Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

At Work for the Holidays

I know a lot of people who were OUTRAGED because some local retail establishments (like Walmart) decided to stay open on Thanksgiving Day last month.  There were protests and boycotts, and people saying that they weren't going shopping on Thanksgiving and telling me that I shouldn't either.  It was a civil rights matter, they said, proclaiming that it wasn't right - that those people (who work in those stores) should be home with their families on the holiday.  Mind you none of the protesters I knew personally were actually the employees scheduled to work that day, just other folks who were taking this cause up on their behalf.

These are not the first people who ever had to work on Thanksgiving or some other holiday.  For 7 straight years from the time I was 17 until I was 23 I worked every single Fourth of July in the evening at Winky's Drive-In Restaurant in Swissvale.  The managers scheduled me because they knew if I was scheduled I would work, instead of calling off like many of their other teenage employees did to join in all the teenage Fourth of July games.  I understand my friends had a lot of fun out there but I would never know because I had to work.

For the same reason, they also liked to schedule me to work on Christmas Eve, when my family celebrated, making me miss Christmas dinner more than one year.  As unhappy as this made me, not one person protested on my behalf, or particularly cared that I got home after dinner was finished.  Furthermore it never occurred to any of us that I, a teenager who made minimum wage working part-time, in the summer and when I was home on breaks from college, should request that day off or call off if scheduled.

So why aren't we rallying around those other folks who have always worked on Thanksgiving?  No one seems to be  protesting all the people working to assure us a pleasant holiday experience and safe travels. 

We traveled on the Turnpike on Thanksgiving this year, and there were people working at every stop along the way.  Many cheerfully proclaimed "Happy Thanksgiving!" after ringing up our orders. There are the pilots, the train conductors, the bus drivers and all the personnel supporting them working to make sure you reach your destination.

Hotel clerks and cleaning people make sure you have a place to stay and their food service staff hold big Thanksgiving buffets that day for people who choose not to cook. 

You can't send the sick people home on holidays, so hospitals are open and staffed on the holidays, as are all institutional establishments, like nursing homes or prisons (the one place almost no one wants to be any day of the year).

Movie theaters (at least as unnecessary as the retail stores) and many restaurants stay  open every day of the year, even on Christmas.  Thank goodness, because our Christmas Day is all about going out for Chinese food and a movie.

Oh, and I think all of the Pennsylvania State Police work on Thanksgiving, because they were certainly out in force when we were traveling the Turnpike, lurking around every corner.

So, to all those who sanctimoniously state that you cannot bring yourselves to go to Walmart on Thanksgiving because of your solidarity with and compassion for the people who work there, you better stay off the roads and out of the hotels, the movies and the restaurants because those employees have families, too.

Personally, though, I am going to protest on behalf of those hard-working State Police.  Seriously
those guys need a break, don't you think?  I think we can make it across the Turnpike without them just one or two days of the year.

I Told You There was a Problem with Maria

I have never liked to say "I told you so" because it sounds so confrontational and borderline hostile.  I much prefer "See, I was right!" which may be self congratulatory but also demonstrates healthy self esteem (something with which I've struggled).  

Which brings to us the The Sound of Music - Live!  on NBC last Thursday.  A couple of weeks ago in my blog entitled  "A Problem with Maria" (http://ripachesallover.blogspot.com/2013/11/a-problem-with-maria.html) I shared some reservations about the casting of Carrie Underwood as Maria.  I said that while I thought she would certainly sing prettily enough for the role, that her lack of acting experience made her a risky choice for a lead role in a live televised performance.

Well, I was emphatically right about this.  Carrie sang the role just fine, but her performance was wooden - with blank expressions and a lifeless line delivery.  She had absolutely no chemistry with her leading man, Stephen Moyer as Captain Von Trapp.  To be fair to Carrie, it was evident that she gave this demanding assignment her very best effort - she worked very hard at what must have been a daunting task for a non-actress and was clearly the very best Maria that she - Carrie Underwood - could be. 

It wasn't her fault that she was reportedly, inexplicably, the first choice for the role - we would have to turn to the producers and directors for an explanation of their reasoning for that.  Did they even audition her for the part?  Or did they cast her only based on her popularity as a country singer and American Idol winner.

Honestly I wish the powers-that-be on projects like this would have a little more faith in their audience.  I understand that it's a business and you want to cast someone with a following, but the integrity and quality of the project should also matter.  I can't buy the theory that this project could not have been made without Carrie Underwood. They could have tried a little harder to find that superstar with a following who can sing and act.  A good first step might be to actually read the star you have in mind for the role.

 

As for Carrie, I can imagine that it was very flattering to be told she was the first choice for the role, and it probably seemed like a wonderful opportunity, but in the end I wonder if she did herself any favors by taking on something so completely beyond her.  Before this, she was a star beloved by many with few detractors. But now she is the brunt of much deserved criticism, and ridIcule.  She seems like a nice enough person, but her tweet of "Plain and simple: mean people need Jesus" in response to her critics is just naive (on so many levels).  When you perform you open yourself up to be critiqued, and as a former AI contestant she really should know that.

Now, let's get back to how I was right, shall we?  In a stroke of genius unbelievable in the same people who cast Carrie in the lead, the producers thought outside the box and cast the incomparable Audra McDonald in the role of Mother Abbess.  I was pretty excited about this, saying that I would literally cast Audra McDonald in any role she wanted, and that I was waiting in breathless anticipation to hear her performance of "Climb Every Mountain."

Well, Audra blew all my expectations out of the water.  She was the best Mother Abbess I have ever seen.  She turned in the most riveting, compelling, ferocious "Climb Every Mountain" you could ever hope to enjoy, and she actually made Carrie Underwood weep (the only real emotion she showed all night).  Audra acted while she was singing, if you can imagine, and created one of those one-of-a-kind iconic theatrical performances that will be remembered and revered forever.

So, maybe those were the easy calls, you say?  How else was I right, you ask?  Well, the luminous Laura Benanti was so enchanting as the Baroness that it was puzzling why the Captain would choose Maria over her, almost as puzzling as why the producers would choose Carrie over Laura to play...oh, never mind.  Laura was great as the Baroness, as I predicted.  And Pittsburgh native Christian Borle was even better in the role of Max than I said he'd be.

All in all, Sound of Music Live! was a thoroughly satisfying experience. Wondrous sets, some really fine performances by the supporting players (including the kids, the nuns, and the housekeeper and butler) yet still enough to poke fun at.  And the best part is that I was right about it all. 

Two Lovers from Friends

If you ask me I could write a book

About the way you walk and whisper and look

I could write a preface on how we met

So the world would never forget

And the simple secret of the plot

Is just to tell them I love you a lot

Then the world discovers as my book ends

How to make two lovers of friends

                                                  - Lorenz Hart

Mr. Rip and I celebrated ten years of wedded bliss on Friday, and when I say bliss, I do mean bliss.  It is hard to imagine a relationship that is emotionally healthier and more satisfying than ours, and we make each other laugh every day.  We're just a couple of happy clams, we are.

When we reflect back on our story, it is not surprising that we are still happily married ten years later.  We are, after all, absolutely perfect together.  The real miracle is that we ever got together in the first place.

We were a couple of middle-aged odd ducks when we met doing community theater.  Neither one of us was exactly looking for a relationship because neither of us was available at the time. We became "show buddies," friendly when we were working on the same show, but not really in touch otherwise.

I liked him. He was nice to me and he laughed at my jokes, which is pretty much all you need to do to win me over as a friend for life.  He was also funny and smart and interesting.

Much later, when we were both available, we actually started to see each other on purpose in settings outside the hallowed halls of the theater, but just as friends. We became great friends. We liked to do all the same things, and we just enjoyed being together.

I was falling for him.  But taking it to the next step was trickier. You might say we both had "baggage" by that time in our lives; Mr. Rip says we were both carrying a full set of Tourister luggage.

History had taught me that falling for a friend was fraught with the potential danger of losing a perfectly good friend, so I wasn't bringing up the subject.  Instead, I tried to look for clues in things that he said that might suggest he might be leaning in that direction as well.

The only problem was that I never did have a knack for that sort of thing.  I have absolutely no feminine wiles.  I also was born without a flirtation device, so I can't tell when someone is flirting with me.  One time he told me that I was a "nice lady."  Hmm... was that flirting?  Or did he just think I was a nice lady?  Boy, this stuff didn't really get any easier with age, did it?

One day he asked me that fateful question.  "Are we dating?" A few hours later, we decided the answer was a resounding yes and we never looked back.  As a bonus, we didn't see why this had to interfere with our friendship, so we're still best friends.

The real evidence that we are soul mates meant to be together is that I am convinced that I'm the lucky one because he loves me and he believes that he's the lucky one because I love him.   Maybe the truth is that we're both pretty lucky.

Oh, and we unpacked the baggage a long time ago.