To Be or Not To Be...in Pittsburgh

Once I was presenting the iconic "I'll be there" passage from The Grapes of Wrath to my Communications Seminar class in college (gamely tackling both the parts of Tom and Ma Joad) when my professor, the late great Dr. Roger Emelson, stopped me.

"No, no, no, no, Sharon!"  he said, his voice dripping with disdain. "You sound like someone who was born and raised in Pittsburgh."

I thought about that for a minute before I responded.  "I am somebody who was born and raised in Pittsburgh."

"Well, of course," said the exasperated Dr. Emelson, "but you don't want to sound like someone who was born and raised in Pittsburgh."

Pittsburghers get no respect when it comes to the way we talk.  I for one can't imagine why so many people get so riled up about this.  What we like to call "Pittsburghese" is actually the Midland North American dialect, and is practiced in some form in southwestern Pennsylvania and in many areas west and south of the Pittsburgh metropolitan area.  It is just one of an estimated 24 dialects in America.* It's as good as any other dialect in my humble opinion.

I find the study of language and its evolution fascinating, and occasionally I even think I'd like to study it in more depth or at least read an internet article or two about it, maybe while eating a jumbo (bologna) sandwich with a nice cold glass of pop.  If I were not from Pittsburgh, I might have said I find language to be  fascinating. Here in the 'Burgh our dogs need walked and our cars need washed (well, at least mine does). 

I did not realize that there was anything grammatically questionable about that until I was 31 and a professor with whom I was working pointed it out to me.  It seems that "To be or not to be" has an entirely different meaning in Pittsburgh.  I had no idea.  See, if you hang around with professors they're going to teach you things.  They can't help themselves.

Is it the fact that we use fewer phonemes than most of the country that bothers people?  I like to think of it as being economical in our speech. Why waste time using two or three different small "o" sounds when one will do the trick?  When you look at it this way it makes sense, doesn't it?

Is it the way we redd up the house when yinz are coming over or fall on those slippy  hills of ours when it's snowing or get all nebby sometimes and put our noses in some jagoff's business?  Well, we have the Scotch-Irish (some of the early settlers to our area) to thank (or blame) for those expressions, and for the "to be" conundrum for that matter.* 

It really could be worse.  The Scotch-Irish are also responsible for bringing bagpipes into the country, which sound a lot worse than any Pittsburghese I've ever heard.

* Source:  http://www.pbs.org/speak/seatosea/americanvarieties/pittsburghese/

Can't get enough of the Pittsburgh dialect and want to read more?  There's a new book out on the subject that is on my Christmas Wish List... http://www.amazon.com/Speaking-Pittsburghese-Dialect-Studies-Sociolinguistics/dp/0199945705/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1385392486&sr=8-3&keywords=pittsburghese

Ten Things You Didn't Know About Rip

When I saw the latest "thing" on Facebook sharing a number of things people might not know about you I thought "Hey, that would be a great blog topic!" So here we go....

1.  I was a cheerleader in high school.  People who know me well are surprised to discover this unless they went to high school with me. Look it was a fluke, okay? I tried out on a lark, and I made it solely because of my loudness scores.

2.  I attended a dozen Grateful Dead concerts as an adult. People who DON'T know me well are surprised by this. To clarify, I did not quit my day job, wear tie-dye, sell beads or follow the band around in a van.  I was a once-a-year Deadhead who just joined the party when they performed in Pittsburgh, like a Christian who only goes to church on Easter and Christmas.

3.  I have never lived more than 39 miles away from my childhood home.

4. I vehemently HATE the sound of bagpipes more than any other sound on earth, even more than the sound of fingernails on a blackboard. I have given my loved ones only one instruction for my funeral- no bagpipes!! Thankfully, I am not Scottish.

5. I am completely unsentimental when it comes to inanimate objects (including former high school buildings) but am completely emotional when it comes to people, even sometimes people who I don't actually know (e.g. Friends of Friends).

6. I have absolutely no understanding of or tolerance for mean-spirited people.  Mr. Rip says that my instruction book is one page long and can be summed up in four words, "Be nice  to me." I mean, really, is that so hard?  I have never really forgiven anyone for any slight they've ever bestowed upon me.  I probably should work on that - maybe after I finish this blog.

7. I am afraid of horses, ever since I broke my pelvis in two places when one threw me.  The nightmares have stopped, but I'll still cross the street to avoid being too close to one.

8.  I met Geraldine Ferraro when we both participated in a national child care forum that was moderated by Paula Zahn and covered on the CBS early morning show.  Geraldine was there because she was the first woman to run on a Presidential ticket.  I was there because I was one of the winners of the "Three Life Lessons I Want for My Child" essay contest sponsored by Good Housekeeping and Kindercare.  Come to think of it, neither of us were exactly child care experts.  Geraldine showed us all family snapshots of her newly born grandchild at lunch.

9. I interviewed Judd Winick of "The Real World San Francisco" for the Washington (PA)  Observer Reporter when he spoke at  California University of Pennsylvania.

10. According to a recent survey I took, I am a closet introvert.  That one came as a surprise to even me.

A Problem with Maria

Carrie Underwood must have one hell of an agent.  

When we visited the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame a few years ago, she was featured in the Women Who Rock exhibit despite being a country singer.  There is nothing even slightly rock 'n roll about this woman's music.  I know because she is singing everywhere you turn around because of that stellar agent of hers.

Now she has been chosen to play Maria in NBC's upcoming live remake of The Sound of Music.    While she certainly sings prettily enough for the role, I was unable to find even one actual acting credit listed in her IMDB profile.  Sure, "America" must love her (she won American Idol a few years ago) but even if she read extremely well in the audition, this is a LIVE performance of a lead role, and choosing a first time actress for the part is clearly a risk.

I have a complicated relationship with The Sound of Music.  The iconic movie starring Julie Andrews and Christopher Plummer was released the month I turned 9, and my parents decided to take me to the Warner Theater in downtown Pittsburgh to see the movie as a special treat for my birthday.  I remember the excitement of dressing up and making the trip downtown.  I was completely enthralled and enchanted by everything about the film; I thought it was perfection.

Then I saw the movie again when it was re-released when I was 11. I was more sophisticated and jaded by then, and suddenly the whole thing seemed a little saccharine to me.  This has not kept me from willingly watching and enjoying the movie and various productions of the stage version many more times over the years.  Mr. Rip, my friend Casey and I went to see an interactive sing-a-long version a few years ago that was loads of fun.

Which brings us to the question of whether The Sound of Music needs to be remade at all.  I might have said no, until I heard the announcement of some supporting cast members that made my reservations about Carrie as Maria vanish.  Listen to this:

Audra McDonald will be playing the Mother Abbess, Maria's wise advisor.  Mr. Rip, who is a very literal guy, has taken issue with the historical accuracy of such casting, but c'mon.  This is five-time Tony Award winner Audra McDonald we're talking about here.  I would cast her in literally any role she might like to play in a production of anything I was directing.  Mr. Rip asked if I would cast her as Max Bialystock in The Producers. Yes, yes I would.  Anyway, I wait in breathless anticipation to hear her sing "Climb Every Mountain."

Which brings me to the lovely Laura Benanti being cast as the Baroness, who is supposed to be a villain or something, but I don't think she's so bad.  Sure she isn't so childlike that she is practically one of the kids, but she wasn't really mean to them either.  

I am sure that Laura Benanti will shine in the role.  She is also a Tony Winner for her role of Louise in the Patty Lupone revival of Gypsy five years ago, where she believably transformed from the innocent and awkward teenager to the jaded worldly stripper.  You know, kind of like the transformation (albeit a less dramatic one) that the character of Maria makes in The Sound of Music?  Hey, wait a minute, if a world class actress and singer like Laura Benanti who actually won awards for her portrayal of a character going from adolescence to adulthood was available, why didn't they offer her the role of....  oh, never mind.  She'll make a great Baroness.

And, finally, there's Christian Borle, yet another Tony Award winner as the wise-cracking Max.  I think he'll be great in the role, and besides I'm legally obligated to enthusiastically cheer him on in his career because he is a Pittsburgh native.

So, anyway, I am eagerly awaiting this production, although the jury is out on Carrie Underwood as Maria.  All I know right now is that Laura Benanti ought to give her agent a call.

       

The Lost Weekend

I started off my long weekend on Friday with a routine colonoscopy and things went downhill from there.

My nose was running a little and I sneezed a few times on Friday but I thought little of it.  I am a victim of Seasonal Allergies so these things happen all the time, or at least seasonally.  However, when I woke up on Saturday it became clear that my Seasonal Allergies had burst into my head for an extended visit with a couple of weeks of luggage with them and I hadn’t even fixed up the guest room.

Frantically I dug up all my allergy medication, only to realize it almost all expired sometime LAST allergy season.  I was out anyway on Saturday morning and in a painful trip to the supermarket I stocked up on new allergy medication.  My nose wasn’t just running; it was galloping.  And every time I moved around and especially if I made the mistake of actually stepping outside I would have a severe sneezing jag that didn’t want to stop.  And people think I’m kidding when I say I’m allergic to the great outdoors.

So I came home and stayed home for the rest of the weekend.  I believe that my symptoms are purely allergy-related because they are all in my head and by that I mean that my literal symptoms are happening from the neck up, not that my symptoms are in any way merely psychological or a figment of my imagination.  The number of Kleenex boxes I’ve emptied attest to the fact that my symptoms are very, very real.

Whatever, the ever-running eyes and nose, the ridiculous sneezing jags, and the headaches are all making me a little foggy.  This makes it more difficult to write a witty and original blog this week, as I am incapable of original thought right now.  Despite the compromised state of my head I continue to live in a rich fantasy universe of my own making in which one of my delusions is that some people will really deeply miss “Rip Aches All Over” if it does not appear promptly on their Facebook News Feed or in their e-mail sometime on Monday. If this is not the case, please do not set me straight – I need my fantasies to cling to right now.

So here it is -my non-blog!  Let’s see…say, how about my assessment of the two movies I watched that just happened to be on television yesterday?

Limitless with Bradley Cooper and Robert DeNiro, a movie that I was unaware of, was a cleverly-directed movie with an interesting and unique premise.  Mr. Rip, who is healthy, enjoyed
 it too.  We both thought that the make-up people deserved kudos because Bradley Cooper looked pretty bad in the beginning of the movie and we know how good-looking he actually is.

I really couldn’t warm up to The Other Boleyn Girl though.  Natalie Portman played Ann Boleyn, Henry VIII’s ill-fated Queen, and Scarlet Johansson was her sister Mary.  I didn’t really like any of the people in the movie and might have turned it off if I had the energy to actually see what else was on.  

I hope I’m not giving anything away when I tell you that the story didn’t end well.  The same will be true of this blog, because I just can’t come up with a snappy ending in my present state.

For more information on why Fall 2013 seasonal allergies are bad and getting worse, check out http://www.weather.com/health/fall-allergies-why-theyre-bad-getting-worse-and-what-you-can-do-20130917?pageno=7