Towanda Becomes Electra

We saw the Pittsburgh Public Theatre’s production of Electra the other night. It was pretty good. Like most plays written by Ancient Greeks, the players just talked a lot – about what had happened, what was happening now, and what they would like to see happen in the future. I can sum up the plot for you in three words. Electra was ANGRY.

From the moment she crawled onto the stage until the play ended about an hour later, she growled, she wept, she wailed, she gnashed her teeth. She had her reasons to be angry. Her mother and her mother’s lover murdered her father and were now ruling the kingdom together. Her sister told her that there was nothing to do but accept it but Electra was bent on revenge, which, for some reason could only be exacted by her brother Orestes, who was out of town. You know- typical family stuff.

I got confused when Orestes showed up and Electra didn’t recognize him, but I found out later that they hadn’t seen each other in 20 years. Wait. How could Electra possibly have sustained such intense anger and fury for 20 YEARS? I’m surprised that she didn’t spontaneously combust.

Maybe Electra could take a lesson from Towanda on taking immediate action on your anger.

In case you are unaware, Towanda is the aggressive alter ego that meek, mild and middle-aged Evelyn Couch, a character in the novel Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Café, creates for herself. In one scene, Evelyn is waiting for a parking spot only to have two younger woman take the spot from her, saying “Face it, lady, we’re younger and faster.” Evelyn mutters “Towanda” and then rams her car into the back of their car several times. She then tells them, “Face it, girls, I’m older and I have more insurance.”

I had a Towanda moment myself recently. One day last week I was driving in a parking lot, minding my own business, when a car started pulling out of a parking space in front of me. I simultaneously hit the brakes and laid on my horn, but the driver didn’t hear or see me, and proceeded to back into my car.

I was annoyed but not really angry. Accidents happen and she was going slowly. The “damage” was more of a scratch than a dent, and certainly not worth worrying about. She was clueless, so I nicely explained what happened, and told her I was willing to forget about the scratch on the car. I was headed back to my car, not even waiting for her to say “thank you,” but the lady who just backed into me wanted to talk more about it.

“Well, I guess that’s okay, because we don’t really know what happened,” she said

I reminded her that we DID know what happened – she backed into me.

“But we don’t know whose fault it was,” she said.

I could actually feel my blood pressure starting to rise. I explained that SHE hit ME – it was her fault.

This chick wasn’t done. “Actually, I didn’t see you and you saw me, so it was your fault.”

Okay, I was now Towanda. “BECAUSE I saw you I stopped the car. My car was NOT MOVING when you hit me, ” I was shouting now.

“No, it was definitely your fault,” this witch said, haughtily, “You should thank me. I am just going to forget it, even though my car is brand new, not like yours. You’re lucky.”

Suddenly, the intensity of my fury matched Electra’s.

THANK her????? I wanted to bitch slap her. Would that have been wrong? Actually SHE was the lucky one. I didn’t take her insurance information, or drive into the back of her car several times (although the thought did cross my mind). And, because I neither own nor carry a gun, I did not shoot her on the spot. That WOULD have been wrong, of course, and this, my friends, is why I am a firm believer in gun control. That kind of homicidal overreaction is what got Electra’s family into such a pickle to begin with.

Instead, I went to Dress Barn. I found a beautiful lightweight sweater that I loved. I needed to get a smaller size because of my recent weight loss, AND it was 60% off. I bought two in different colors. I could feel myself calming and my blood pressure returning to normal. Yes, there’s nothing like a little retail therapy to soothe the raging beast. Maybe Towanda and Electra should have tried it.