Mothers-in-Love

Mothers-in-law get a bad rap. Comedians make jokes about them. They are portrayed as meddlesome and interfering. I’ve never quite understood it. Why should the person who gave birth to and raised someone you love enough to marry automatically be a nemesis? Maybe it’s just that I have been twice blessed in that department.

Remember, I met my husband’s parents and family when I attended my very first Bar Mitzvah, but they went out of their way to make me feel welcome. And I did. They are family to me now, just as surely as the family into which I was born. My in-laws also “adopted” my son, and they treat him like another grandson. Each year, my mother-in-law and father-in-law host the entire extended family (sometimes as many as 23 people) for Thanksgiving. And every year I think of how appropriate it is, because I am so very thankful to be a part of their family.

My mother-in-law is a warm and caring woman who treats me like family – she is proud of my accomplishments and hurts when I hurt. She is honest and has a great sense of humor, traits she passed onto her son, who is the love of my life and best friend. Of course, we share one major interest – the happiness of her son- but it goes beyond that. I really like my mother-in-law. She is someone I would want as a friend, even if we were not tied by marriage.

I had also been very close to my ex-husband’s family. It’s a funny thing when a marriage ends – in a way you are breaking up with your soon-to-be ex’s family as well. These are the people who you shared life’s milestones with, in my case for 20 years. No matter how right it was for my ex and me to part ways I didn’t really want to lose his family. As it turns out this would not be necessary.

My former mother-in-law also was caring and loving person. She was someone who routinely cared for others- her family, the members of her church’s congregation, her friends, and all the stray dogs in the area. So I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when she essentially refused to give me up after the divorce. As she put it, she didn’t divorce me. She stayed in touch, and was genuinely happy for me when I found such happiness with my husband. Despite being a devout born-again Christian, she also loved my husband, who is Jewish. She always remembered our anniversary. When my former sister-in-law got married in an intimate ceremony with just the most immediate family present, we were invited and we attended. So, for the past six years, I have been fortunate enough to have two wonderful mothers-in-law in my life.

On Thursday, my ex-husband called me to tell me that his mother had passed away. It was not unexpected – she had been battling cancer for the past few months. She was able to come home and spend the last few months of her life in her home with her family around her. My husband and I were able to visit her about a week before her death, and although she was very weak, she recognized us and was so very happy that we came. We had the chance to hold her hand and embrace her one more time. She had such a strong faith that I know that she is resting peacefully with the Lord right now.

Her memory will certainly live on in all our hearts.