The Mature Non-Gambler's Guide to Las Vegas

I don't always believe it when people they try to convince me that I will actually enjoy something that I loathe - like the taste of mushrooms or the movie Raising Arizona - if I just "give it one more try."  This has never ever been true. So, when people told me that you don’t have to gamble to enjoy Las Vegas, I was skeptical.

Then my son J.J. and his wife (my lovely daughter-in-law, aka DIL) told us they thought that we would have a good time in Las Vegas.  They know us pretty well, and in fact J.J. has known me his entire life.

Then it dawned on us that the Grand Canyon was an easy side trip from Vegas.  Not only would we have the opportunity to see a Natural Wonder of the World, I would be able to add two states to the list of states I've visited (to address a deficit in this area brought to my attention by a Facebook quiz). 

It was decided.  We were going to Vegas! Unfortunately my arthritic knees and Mr. Rip's bad back insisted upon coming with us, so there we were – just a couple of arthritic non-gamblers ready to shuffle into and tackle Sin City.

Once there we discovered many helpful hints for more mature non-gamblers with mobility issues and potential gastrointestinal disorders that help to assure a pleasant and productive stay in Las Vegas:

Follow the advice of the experts

In our case, this meant "listen to the kids."  JJ and DIL acted as our unofficial travel agents - we pretty much planned our entire itinerary around their sage advice.  As long as we followed their helpful suggestions things turned out extraordinarily well. And when we didn’t, well….

You really don’t have to gamble when in Vegas.

People kept telling us that we had to gamble once “just to say we did.”  I sat in front of a 25 cent slot machine waiting for Mr. Rip the first day we were there.  I contemplated it for a moment, and considered taking the dollar out of my purse, but didn’t. The casinos were noisy and filled with cigarette smoke (which I can’t tolerate).  So I did not gamble once, “just to say I didn’t."

Go wild!

You know what they say.  What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.  Actually, what happens in Vegas gets posted on Facebook, but nonetheless it is a place where you can let your hair down and go a little crazy. 

Now I didn’t gamble, and I did not have an alcoholic drink while I was there.  No, I stepped outside my comfort zone when I compromised my complete boycott of the Hooters franchise by hailing a cab in front of their hotel. Crazy, right?  

Vegas also provides the chance to try new things.  Haven’t had a chance to visit France or Italy or even Hoboken? No problem!  Ride a gondola with a real live Italian gondolier and visit Carlos’ Bakery (of “Cake Boss” fame) at the Venetian Hotel and or visit the “Eiffel Tower” at Paris.  We had a mighty fine time on that gondola ride.

See the shows. Rub elbows with celebrities.

Take your pick.  Magicians, Cirque de Soleil, “headliners,” comedians, Las Vegas showgirls – whatever strikes your fancy.  Get some great seats for shows at greatly reduced prices by buying your tickets the same day at the Tix4Tonight booths all over town (this handy tip comes to you courtesy of DIL)

Because we missed Bette Midler by two days we enjoyed TWO Cirque de Soleil shows - Ka (recommended by DIL) and Love (the Beatles-inspired show), both pretty spectacular to watch, with some tricks that even Bette wouldn’t attempt.

We had a chance to meet Rita Rudner (a talented comedienne, for you whippersnappers out there saying “Who?”) after her show and we have the autographed photo to prove it.  But Rita (we’re on a first name basis now) was not the only celebrity with whom we got to hobnob.  No we also met Sandy, the MGM employee who was featured on an episode of Undercover Boss that we happened to catch when we first arrived (and we have the pictures to prove that too).

Use the money you save on gambling to pay for transportation.

We wanted to stay in a hotel that was not a casino. JJ suggested the Desert Rose Resort just off the south end of the strip. JJ also suggested that we might want to take advantage of the Monorail when traveling the Strip, which was long and difficult to navigate.

Nonsense, we thought.  We were trying to walk more and the Strip was only 4 ½ miles long. We headed off to the Bellagio which is just halfway down the Strip, equipped with our Fitbits and sporting our lightweight clothing and sensible shoes.  We came to a point where we could see the Bellagio, but we could not figure out how to get there. Was it a mirage, a phenomenon we understand sometimes happens in the desert?  A few walkways, a couple of escalators, a tram inside an upscale shopping mall and a couple of hours later, we finally got there.

The next day we listened to JJ and bought a Monorail pass.  We got where we were going in a timely fashion, figured out that we could hail a cab if needed and walked a record 20,000 steps.  Worth every penny.

Go to the Hoover Dam and Take the Whole Dam Tour

If you are making a side trip from Vegas to the Grand Canyon you really must stop on the way at the Hoover Dam.  It is one of the most magnificent examples of ingenuity and human achievement that you could ever hope to experience.  As long as you’re seeing the natural wonder of the Grand Canyon, you might as well add a man-made wonder to your itinerary while you’re there.  Well, Vegas is actually full of man made wonders, but you don't have to walk through a casino to get to the Hoover Dam.